Children’s children are the crown of old men, and the glory of children is their father. Proverbs 17:6 Heard this song and hit me a bit differently than last time I heard it. It’s a secular song from when standards were more innocent. First just made me sad what world trying to steal from kids - literally futures. Then just reminded me how much better God’s ways are than what the world is pushing on kids today. Praise God for what He ordains. Sad for kids today when I heard this. Nothing innocent being prized for them, but I’m convinced this very human but very good way of humanity that abounds- man, woman, children according to God is why we have a thousand years of perfection on earth. I’m so glad we get to watch children grow, people marrying and being married, families doing well when Jesus reigns on earth. Makes me so grateful for Israel. I used to think the Kingdom was more about time for God to fulfill His promises to Israel, and I knew the world would also be blessed, but I didn’t really see what that blessing is… I really think it’s people getting to be human as He made us according to His will….just seems like an entirely new level of physical salvation represented in the land and the promise. Dads, moms, babies, grandparents, grandchildren …..that’s so beautiful. It’s awesome what Jesus and Israel secured for us on this earth - going to be something when they are united and people get to live holy. People in this earth being married and given in marriage. It’s really worth fighting for. I’m so glad I get to see people on this earth do well according to God’s will. I’m glad I get to watch people grow and their children grow and so on - we’ll get to see that lineage and the blessing of people for a thousand years. Just something like seeing someone who looks or laughs like their great,great,great…so-and-so, we’ll see it; unique individual and yet this indescribable continuity ….thats amazing, and we get to see what He rejoiced in about it and understand more about Him as Creator. Genetics seems so much more fascinating when I think in a way that includes God. Why did He make us that way? We get to see it I think and really see His wisdom and love in what He made, people are meant to be full of future. Anyway there’s an innocence in this song that just caused me to praise God for not only what He’s done but what He saves. There’s so much joy in our future, and people are meant for something really good. Praying kids today find their hope in Jesus and who He created them to be. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-H_GjgxA9gM

Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles. Lest the LORD see it, and it displeases Him, and He turn His wrath from Him. Proverbs 24:17-18 Just find this interesting - I’m sure there’s a word for this type of argument, but I don’t know it. Wondering what it is we are to rejoice in according to this verse.. seems like it’s saying don’t rejoice in the wrath against your enemy so that you can ensure the wrath you rejoice in against them continues?? Just wondering as I fumble around with convictions. I don’t rejoice in other people’s demise, but I do rejoice when evil is stopped and justice is done. This verse throws me because seems like it’s using the thing we are told not to do as a means to do what we are told not to do - desire the demise of someone. Any thoughts what this passage teaches us about how we are to relate to God concerning His wrath against our enemies? Honestly, the whole thing makes me nervous. I don’t even like thinking about trying to control God, but that’s what this verse began reading like to me last night. Maybe it’s just a warning, but not sure how it would apply if someone felt happy over someone else’s demise if the only motivation not to be happy is so that it continues. Where’s the heart of the issue being addressed? This seems like a command you couldn’t keep without supernatural change because the heart issue isn’t dealt with if the motivation remains the demise of your enemy. Just asking because trying to understand the balance between foolishness and wisdom - mercy and compassion is as easily warped as punishment and justice, but God desires mercy - hard to understand how our hearts should be sometimes. The closest thing I think I’ve gotten to this line is a determination and understanding that is absent of feelings. I don’t think the world has any idea what God’s justice actually is. I don’t think He’s sad or happy. He’s just right. That’s the closest I think I come to agreeing with Him on His wrath while not being happy over it either. Just know it’s actually right and so decisive and unrelenting because it’s perfect - really irreproachable. That scares me because then I see maybe this verse is more about fearing God than not rejoicing over God’s wrath. We won’t be standing around high-fiving each other and clapping in agreement. He won’t have any remorse or need for concurrence, encouragement, or approval. I don’t even think we will be sad. By the time He acts, theres no place for it. Think we’ll be too understanding of how helpless we are, not against them, but Him, to be rejoicing over the justice. It will just make so much sense and be so perfect, think really nothing to say. I’m not looking forward to that day just because God is to be feared. People better start taking Jesus seriously. I’m scared for them. Maybe God would turn His wrath away if we rejoiced because then we really aren’t about justice? How should we understand the instruction in this verse then? God is going to shut the mouth of the braggarts, debaters and complainers. Think we have no idea what real justice is.

I’m not sure if this is a well informed perspective or not. Maybe I need to sort out and throw out some misunderstandings. This is my spiritual perspective on a more secular issue so please feel free to correct it question my thoughts. Reading a really interesting book called “The Morville Hours” by Katherine Swift. It’s hard to explain but is organized around the concept of “The Book of the Hours”, which from what I can gather is an ancient monastic prayer book that basically outlined the year not only spiritually in terms of prayers and feast days but also physically in terms of tasks to do related to gardening and farming. I think God is addressing things for me as sort through my thoughts but maybe I’m being totally confused and just need to stop reading the book. What is so striking to me is that I can better understand, I think, the depth of involvement God gave His people through the seasonal nature of the Feast Days. I think you can kind of get it because it seems like these books were trying to do the same thing but on their own calendar mixed in with pagan traditions and history. Anyway, you have to be discerning, but I think it’s pretty revealing in a way because it’s an attempt to copy but replace what God commands in scripture. It makes me think there’s just something intuitive for human beings about having such a calendar- like He gave us something spiritual that we naturally need and will necessarily replicate and replace somehow if we don’t use His - always counterfeit to semi-appease us. It’s also revealing to see how controlling such a thing can be, so kind of interesting to compare and contrast what people do or could do with such influence and consider that compared to God’s nature and intentions for us . On some very real but spiritual level, I really think what God commands us to do is the most natural for us. His commands help us live naturally - think it’s important we see that. Though we war against the flesh in our fallen state making His commands seem and feel unnatural; I really believe Gods commands for us are about knowing how to live more naturally within the nature of His creation as He wills it to be. who we are made to naturally be is pictured when we are obeying His commands. We just need them, I think, because we have fallen. They ties in them to why the Torah will come to an end - we will finally be as we were made to be, no need for the “how to”. I think it’s helpful to consider if maybe on some greater spiritual level what’s unnatural is actually us - our freshly nature, which is now corrupt and perverse. I think you can also better see the difference between man’s authority apart from God- why it always reverts to (oppression) verses what Gods authority in our lives leads us to (freedom) as well. You can kind of get a sense of Christ’s authority and its nature verses the anti-Christ’s authority and its nature. Here’s the fundamental truth in all this - people need instructions to find their way to God’s place for them in creation because we are not naturally born into it, so people will always seek direction and commands from someone in their system of need and displacement. We seek them out if not from Him than someone who is not God. We open ourselves up to tyranny and oppression when submitting to ungodly authority God created us, yet has no need for us. We have nothing to give Him or do for Him, but He made us anyway. Every other created being has some need or want to meet that they can use and exploit us for….in the natural with God, we have more freedom because in some way greater we can more fully exist, paradoxically, for ourselves because He has nothing to gain from us. In the natural with man’s authority apart from God, we always lose because as opposed to God, they always have something to gain from us. I just think it’s interesting - who sacrifices in Gods way is truly only Him. It’s almost sad how much we ultimately do for ourselves when choosing to serve Him because you see you can never really do anything for Him. I don’t know exactly where I’m going with this, something about justice and what’s truly natural for people as created in the image of God and how far we are from who we are supposed to be, and also how evil exploits that need for His way and misdirects it. I’m noting it for myself and sharing because when ever I run into these paradoxes it seems like there’s something that helps me move forward more clearly. Another consideration - what we have done with Gods command for us to work since the fall. Think about what is the major drive in our science, technology, politics,….I really think it’s to first, make our work easier (kind of rebellious in nature) and then also to prevent ourselves from suffering and dying generally… how much of those drives have dictated mankind’s existence. - how rebellious is our existence as mankind at its heart then, and how has our refusal to submit or try to escape the truths of these spiritual laws and His instructions hindered and hurt us. I really think a lot of what we perceive as injustice and oppressive stems back to something as fundamental as I don’t want to suffer and die and work - we as mankind have dedicated our time to trying to escape the curse that we ultimately have no choice but to submit to instead of submitting to God. I really think that’s the extent of what mankind has done with our time here on this earth. I also think if you look at it, in trying to escape it, we always exploit other people. Someone always has to pay the cost or suffer the loss. How much of our lives are consumed by things that prevent us from having to deal with reality and how much suffering do those things cause? For example how much more unnatural our exploitive is work to us now than in the beginning when it was first commanded just because we have focused on lessening our workload instead of accepting it? How many diseases have we caused, environmental problems, emotional problems, crime,…,just because we don’t want to work, die, or accept our suffering? I don’t know just things that I have thought about and gets at an interesting issue between what’s natural or unnatural for us as it relates to our fallen state compared to our redeemed state and how Gods way stands apart. How much more work, suffering, and death have we caused than lessened or alleviated in refusing to accept the state we are in that requires us to work, suffer, and die? God is not the one who changes because He’s not the One who needs to, and most of human existence, progress, history,… seems to be characterized by us trying to change something we can’t because it’s a consequence of the fall - us trying to change what God put in place, consequences after the fall. Just think it’s interesting to see the things a bit differently recently. Part of this is because I think I’m a bit more of an environmentalist than many believers. I really do think what man has made has caused environmental problems because I do think most of what we have created and called progress was an effort to avoid the laws of God and the consequences of the fall to outdo Him. We have, as such, introduced what’s unnatural into this world, and in my mind I think that ties into all of this. I do think there is a struggle between us and God relating to submitting to work, suffering, and death that has effected the earth. I think man sitting at a computer all day or using his mind to try and outdo the laws of nature verses growing things, working with his hands to build things using God’s natural provision to protect and provide for a family, generally simply agreeing to the state of our existence and seeking God and what He gives to meet our needs has caused a lot more physical consequences than we can imagine. I also think we need to hear what people opposite of us politically are saying on this issue instead of think they’re just crazy because, Biblically, we can see there has to be a point we agree we have enough and submit to our circumstances, depending on God instead of trying to work against Him. Anyway, unusual post, but these are places I struggle with the lines being drawn politically and forced on me socially as a believer. Maybe someone can see and advise me if I’m missing something or seeing things wrongly. It’s not that I think we can’t use what He gave us creatively with dominion to bless and abound in, it’s that our goal of avoiding work and suffering and death has been too much of the motivation behind what we have done and made. That’s where I wander how much more pointless work, suffering, and death we are causing in the natural world. I just don’t think the way we are living is at all natural either spiritually or physically and think maybe that’s what some people who we refuse to hear are noticing. Maybe it’s a place satan is highjacking. Consider why is that globalists have taken over the environmentalist agenda when globalism is contrary to environmentalism - the two do not align. when I see those kind of contradicting but ungodly forces coming together, I always think there’s some place in the conversation that believers are not showing up because there’s something we could be addressing from Gods perspective if there is a such fundamental disunity. We’re missing an opportunity to connect with people and their fears are being highjacked for evil instead of us addressing and acknowledging them in a Godly heart. People are agreeing to be oppressed by man out of fear because they see something they don’t have the spiritual context to understand and I don’t think Christian’s are willing to listen to them so I don’t personally see anywhere the need and fear is addressed in a Godly way. They are fundamentally right that this world is not what it’s supposed to be and man’s activity has harmed this creation. I think they see it, but without spiritual understanding abc we aren’t finding our place in the conversation. That’s my observation based on reading this book thinking about how people have historically tried to meet their own needs apart from God’s word. As complicated as I make it sound because I’m bad at explaining things clearly and ramble, I don’t think we are nearly as complex as we credit ourselves for being. It’s about the needs that we have to help us reach for God, how we have spent the vast majority of our existence as mankind trying to meet those needs apart from Him, and how evil then has acted to distract, redirect and misdirect that struggle when Gods people leave a void. Anyway, reminds me not to dismiss what the youth of the world are saying and to really consider where is it God is giving us to reach them. I think it’s a huge breach we are leaving open for the enemy.

Listening to another love Israel video about one world religion and it kind of touched on several things God has brought to my attention in the last week or so - ideas that have helped me submit more to how God has done things and why we have to be so committed to the exclusivity of what we believe. First, what we are called to do is for God. This is why we don't need to worry about seeing the fruit of our faith so much in this life. We will bless the world somehow just by the nature of God who is working through us because He loves, but first we love and do for God. Focusing on loving people first will not bless them because without Him, we cannot really love. We can feel sorry for, we can feel like we need someone, desperately want the approval of, …but we cannot love people the way God does without Him. He does not need us, need our approval, need our anything - He loves in a way we cannot understand. We cannot truly love anyone apart from Him because we are too selfish and needy. Even empathy has a tinge of self if you really think about it. On that same note, if we suffer only for His sake - if no one is brought to Him through our suffering, we should see Him as reason enough. I always think someone has to be saved because of me doing something for my life to matter. But the truth is if my only testimony is my life, suffering, death is less to me than my Savior’s - if I’m just willing to lose my own fleshly needs and nature because I love Him- that’s enough. Hard for me to explain what I’ve begun coming to deeper terms with, but bottom line is that God is who we serve. Through Him we will serve others, but we have to see our purpose in only Him. Christian’s putting people before God is a lot of what’s behind the refusal to acknowledge Jesus as the only way I think. Then from there, I really started appreciating how the only one who can make people what felt to me as beautiful is Jesus. He’s the only one who lived life as a human beautifully. Our redemption is not just about our eternal life. It’s about our calling, possibilities, and Gods intentions for us as the human race. He redeemed what it means to be human - what that looks like in Gods eyes after the fall. He is the only way because He is the only one to define our existence again as “good”. In accepting Him we agree with God’s plans for us and submit to His creation as He created it. It’s a much greater idea of redemption than we generally understand I think. It’s not just about eternal life. It’s about God’s will and purposes in creating life. It’s about us as being the glory of His creation, made in His image. Jesus is the only one who saved what it means to be a human in the eyes of God in this fallen world. He literally lives our life for us in a spiritual sense, which gives me such a sense of purpose and hope in us being sanctified. We are meant to be exclusive and peculiar in this world - all of that hinges on the spiritual reality of what Jesus accomplished and us agreeing that it is what we want life to be. I think it’s fascinating when you start seeing things come together in a deeper way, but I’m never very good at explaining it. Jesus is why we have life, and the only reason it’s still worth living because He saved our identity as “good” in God’s creation. The Creator literally saving His Creation by entering into it - because we are made in His image, I really think we can on some level understand why He would do that. It’s all about God’s will for what He made. We can relate to that because we are made in His image. God is beautiful - just love to see how it all comes together why Jesus keeps us that way. We are to reflect Him. When I start looking at things this way, there’s no doubt why Jesus is the only way. No one else makes life beautiful and good in the eyes of God. That’s why nothing else matters to us believers but Him. I think Him being the only way naturally makes sense to us when we see it’s about Him and how great He is to be able to save instead of from our own perspective of what we think we have or can do for Him. It’s a much more humbling, but amazing place to be when it starts making sense. Jesus is really all we have because He’s all we need.

Watched another love Israel video about being “drunk in the spirit”. Pretty sad and turns your stomach, but just want to add for those that watch, one kind of underlying logic I found to understand it is that it’s all about someone having power over people. It’s really just supernatural sadomasochism. It’s most definitely satanic. God is opposite of just enjoying exercising power over people because He can. That was really hard to watch, but when I find one clear point of context to help me understand something that seems senseless, it helps me discern enough to understand what I’m dealing with. So sharing. This spirit is just about power and a real spiritual perversion. It’s sadomasochistic. God help us. Makes me sad for these people, but angry this is the impression they give of Christianity.

Listening to Dr.Baruch’s message on “Can God’s Mercy End?”. Been discovering a bit more about the communal nature of salvation lately. Question was where is God’s mercy in our persecution and in judgment. Regarding in judgment, it just came to me heart - I really don’t think we Christian’s (at least in this country) understand what we’re up against. I think I have a bit more understanding than most iof I’m honest, because of my own stupid choices that led me to have to experience more spiritual attack than most. Therefore I’m not criticizing. I am just concerned because of my own experience, which partly occurred because if a similar lack of u deters ding. Here’s my heart. God doesn’t want me or anyone else to have to understand how evil sin is. But if we don’t just trust Him, it seems we have to learn the hard way, which is what I’m condensed about for us. If you consider Noah - what would have happened to him had God not destroyed the earth? The world would have destroyed not only him but his line and therefore the lineage of salvation going all the way back to Seth. Gods mercy is in His judgment because of us. If He doesn’t judge, you don’t exist. That’s the mercy. He’s merciful always because He only acts with the purpose to preserve His will that is good. We cannot live with sin. Just concerned for believers that we don’t seem to understand there is one, and those who are aligned with him, who exists with the sole purpose of not just destroying you, but any remnant of the goodness you have to bless people with. We cannot understand because we are if the light. That’s why we have to believe. Anyway, just makes me wonder where we are as Christian’s sometimes and thought maybe we aren’t regarding the communal nature of sin scripturally because we shouldn’t have to understand more the evilness of evil to agree with God on this. I love the Lord because He judges because I know I’m helpless to evil otherwise. That is salvation. Once we are saved from our own sun, God saves us from all sin and evil because evil is using sin to destroy us. I think we don’t get it because we don’t understand what sin seeks to do or we aren’t thinking about how it effects society, specifically kids living in it. We just consider the individual being judged, but the individual being judged is being judged because of what they themselves destroy in refusing to let go of sin and that’s you, your kids, your family, your goodness given by God to bless this earth. Evil could care less about you, or the unrepentant for that matter, except that you can give the world evidence of God. Anyway, really concerned we are not ready for what’s facing us sometimes, so praying we don’t have to learn the hard way. This life is about God destroying sin. That’s where we are at, so think we should praise Him for it. Doesn’t mean we want suffering. It’s the opposite because it’s evil that loves suffering. If God allows sin its own will, there would only be suffering. There would be no salvation; nothing remotely good. You couldn’t find it if you knew what to look for. Judgment makes a distinction evil wants to erase do we can even choose. Evil doesn’t even want you to have the choice or the ability to discern it. Judgment is salvation. Right and wrong is how we can live well. Last thing, yesterday I realized when people offered their children to go through the fire, they really were offering them to demons. It was not just ritualistic, thoughtless, and pointless evil. It was purposeful and it had to have resulted in something for those who did it. Evil gags them something in exchange, but bottom line, It was literally to please demons because they enjoy watching us suffer - especially the innocent, the helpless, and especially at the hands of those who are on the earth to keep them for God. There is a religious nature to evil, which is another thing I do t think we get. It’s all thievery, but there is a way people can choose to literally please demons. It’s participating in destruction and tolerating what destroys as it destroys. So, Christian’s not understanding there is mercy in judgment are on dove level tolerating or even excusing evil and sin because it will hurt someone innocent if not you. We can’t feel sorry for unrepentant people to the point we forget the lives their sin will effect. If it sounds extreme, I really encourage you to consider why is it people were cut off from the community or cast out of the land. It was because of the pollution of tolerating sin so that a future generation would know better when God brought them back. We need judgment for life and hope and future. Just worried we don’t seem to understand what our situation is. We have no help apart from judgment because evil will not just leave you alone. It will hurt so rice if not you. You can see it on the cross. Look what evil sought to do to Jesus. Always tell my daughter, “what did Jesus do that caused the world to crucify him?” Healed people, fed people, taught people, water to wine. Evil will not just you let you do well. If it has its way and is never judged, it won’t give you the chance to. That’s what He did, only well, and in this world it got Him killed. We need to see what we’re dealing with and I don’t think we do if we can’t see our salvation is literally that God judges. We don’t understand what we’re up against. I think I do have a bit more understanding than some because I made stupid decisions in the past. Sad because underlying this thought process they pities the unrepentant, there’s an innocence being attacked. God doesnt want us to have to know what evil wants to do. He just wants us to trust Him so we never have to. We just need to really believe Him that sin is not something we can live with. We cannot compromise with or tolerate evil and hold on to what’s good at the same time because evil is not about tolerating you. We have to choose abdd so eventually thats a communal issue for the sake of the complete salvation of those who choose Him

Just want to say blessings to you. Wanted to share what has helped me be mindful of The Feast of Trumpets today. The first link is someone blowing the shofar in Israel. I don’t know what building they walked to, but I liked it because no one is talking (except a few passersby). I got to read the explanations of what the sounds mean, hear an example, and then just get to listen with that knowledge at the end. The second link is a song that I heard for the first time at church yesterday. Just love the lyrics and feel like God gave me a little gift to help me celebrate and remember the feast day. I’m certainly no scholar with the Biblical holidays. Just in my heart to hear the sounding of the trumpet in gratitude for what Jesus has brought me into and to just honor His life and heritage - kind of a way to say look what He did and Who He is. Imagine all He’s brought us into - a history beyond us that points to a future beyond us; both an inheritance we don’t deserve and wouldn’t even know how to ask for, but I think the sound really helps express in the present very short time we have that we know it. I know the sounds of the trumpet are about what the people hear God calling out to them, but the song new to me from church yesterday somehow highlights the thought to me what does God hear when people just do what He says in that Feast Day. I think it’s kind of cool to think about Him hearing the history (what He did with His people in the past), the remembering and contemplating of it we do with Him today (present), and the hope all ever living have in what He does (future). It really feels like a way He brings us to something otherwise beyond us. We can reminisce with Him and imagine our future together with God. It really is relationship and a line of heritage we’re brought into through Jesus. We can just revel in that with Him. In all that, in the song, I just want to praise Jesus and hope He hears the sound of His people calling for Him with joy and gratitude. I want to tell Him in a humble and respectful way today, listen to us calling You. maybe this will bless someone as it did me. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=D3hsMk3vUXQ https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gkvQsz7_Ui8

“If anyone loves Me, he will keep My words; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with Him.” John 14:23 Realized I’ve been approaching things kind of upside down. I’ve struggled for years trying to figure out what does God want me to do as an individual or where to go in a spiritual sense. Anyway, this just revealed the spiritual “destination” of sanctification in this life is more about what are you doing to let God come and make His place with you. Kind of the opposite of finding my own place. Here’s the hope. We always have something internal to prune or to grow, so we can always move closer to God. Just showed me it’s not about me so much finding God’s place for me as much as just preparing myself for Him. Kind of takes the pressure off I think if you see through sanctification and seeking sincere holiness from the inside out, you don’t have to work to make anything happen. God will be with you, so even the idea of finding your place is dealt with by being put down. It’s really idolatrous even if we’ll intended. It’s not a place for us. It’s a place for Him. I don’t know just recognized I don’t have to try so hard to do His will and be where He wants me to be. God promises us to be with us when we simply love Him and seek to do what He says. I felt like I couldn’t do what He says because of the world around me, and causes me a lot of issues and anger I think. Anyway, Jesus sees to it through His Spirit that we keep His commands. In that God makes His home with us. That’s where the external world has no more power in my mind. It’s God who has power when our hearts and minds are sanctified. I used to struggle with finding my place, but that’s backward way of looking at it. God finds His place with us when we surrender heart, mind, and soul to Jesus. A desire for holiness is really all we can do on this subject I think. Jesus does the rest. Finding clarity, simplicity, and a spiritual place to start moving toward God more lately. It’s really is Jesus. It keeps coming up with my kids to say “spiritual first” - this whole push started when I began teaching spiritual needs based on physical needs (parables I think are how we got into this). From there, it’s become about discerning the physical situation by thinking what’s happening spiritually first. I started worrying a bit it was sounding too new age to say “spiritual first”, but immediately remembered “seek first the Kingdom of God and all these things will be added to you”, so I do believe God is the One wanting me to teach this to my kids. Think from a spiritual perspective, and recognize you need spiritual provision more than the physical. Anyway, on this note, this understanding is consistent with where I’ve felt led lately. Preparing God a place in your life is a process of pruning and feeding what is going on internally. He won’t accept your begrudging obedience. He will work with it, but He will teach you until you understand enough to be sincerely willing and even grateful to obey. Until you want to obey, He will keep you at a certain place before you get to move on. He really is patient in great love for us. He loves us too much to make us do anything, so have to deal with the internal first. But thats such a blessing because that’s all we have to do. Just learn, prune, grow, obey, learn, prune, grow, obey - and you can always find something to do in that perspective. He’s the one who makes the place once He finds a place of holiness to dwell in your life. Jesus is the place - another idea I’ve been led to a lot recently. He’s the place of reconciliation and in a very real way the Temple for us to meet with God. “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” (John 14:6) I’m going in circles, but I think that’s kind of reflective of the process. He makes us a place, we make Him a place, and so on. somehow in all of that we come to understand it’s all about Him. I find a lot of hope and peace, but also a humbling and sobering reality, that all we have to do is seek to be more like Jesus. He’s the place. We don’t find it or make it. He already has. From there, the physical opportunities for doing God’s will just happen. First the spiritual- sanctification. Slowly pulling things together in a more accurate way I think. All about order and a heart for sincere holiness found in love and understanding that just happens (without our effort or trying) through Christ. I used to be afraid I wouldn’t do something God gives me to do, so I was trying to force things to happen or move, but this understanding has helped me get past that. There’s always something to prune and grow spiritually - a way to prepare yourself for Him. Just have to trust Him to do the rest.

I think I finally got it reading through Galatians. We are not under the law because we are under the righteousness of Yeshua. I finally think I get what was clearly said. The law is in response to unrighteousness, so in His righteousness it no longer has authority over us. He has authority, and because He’s perfect, we are set free to depend on His Spirit which is really, truly freeing given that no one can keep the law. What He’s doing right now is really thoroughly Torah I sometimes see. Not just because there’s no Temple, but because it’s more of a communal thing than I realized. Unlike with Jesus, one person’s righteousness could not save the community. So as “righteous” as one could be was limited by the unrighteousness of others. That’s where Kingdom starts making a lot of concrete sense - why we have to choose Him and righteousness to enter. It’s not just about what He requires, it’s about each other’s needs. You can almost see the spiritual life God gives us in that in terms of meeting our spiritual needs I think. I sometimes think about how we won’t be like little robots with no real distinctions, but think I can kind of see a bit beyond that here. It really is like He feeds and waters us spiritually using each other. The work of His Spirit to unite believers is huge aspect of Torah He’s accomplishing that I just now realized. That and what freedom means as Paul speaks of it. Free to totally rely on God and trust His choices and decisions in what we can’t do or control in fallen, sinful world. We don’t have to depend on the world for anything to do for or give God. He really lifts us above what’s around us to do well through Him. He has really accomplished it. I’m amazed at how Torah observant He is as silly as that sounds. Just like if He didn’t do it that way; I don’t think we could understand so much the purpose and wisdom behind the Torah. Pretty amazing what He’s doing - to see vague kind of just assumed Christian understandings clearly and in actuality in terms of what He’s doing through the Torah. Just feel really blessed to get to see and really astounded at the perfection and depth of our Saviors ways. He’s righting things we don’t even know exist let alone need to be made right. We don’t understand what God really requires, but praise Jesus, He really does and for our sake righting it all. Nothing going unaddressed.

Started going through my little study journals I’ve kept for last 8-10 years just to see if there’s things I want to keep and things to throw away. Been pretty good for me to see where I was prideful, foolish, or where I’ve forgotten and have kind of fallen away. Anyway, going to share some of them as I go through. I’ve lately had some anger about what God isn’t doing or allows, specifically as it comes to children. I’m to the point where I let myself kind of think it through instead of running from it though. Here’s my conclusion; well, if it’s going to be this bad, just destroy the nation. I start praying that God calls the kids in this country His, chastises the parents, and tears down the systems because seems like the kids would be better off if the country isn’t functional enough to force what they are calling an education on them. I’m not sure how to rightly evaluate that feeling, but think it’s coming from conviction but maybe anger or fear. Anyway, if I’m honest, I’m struggling with anger about why God allows kids to be so undermined before they can think for themselves. I still have a hard time letting it go (maybe someone can offer advice or correction how to see this differently), but found this from 9/20/17 that helped a little. Job 42: 1-7 Then Job answered the LORD and said: I know that You can do everything, and that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You. You asked, ‘Who is this who hides counsel without knowledge?’ Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know. Listen, please, and let me speak; You said, ‘I will question you, and you shall answer Me.’ “ I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees You. Therefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes.” This was in response to Job 40:2, before God describes what He’s made and His existence beyond us He asks “Shall the one who contends with the Almighty correct Him? He who rebukes God, let him answer it.” At the time I journaled this I realized the only answer anyone can give God is repentance and humility; trust and gratitude. Today I realized that behind all of this business between Job and God and Job and satan; Job never considers that it’s satan doing all this to him. He keeps it between Him and God, and I think satan wants it that way as well, but in the opposite way God does. satan wants Job to blame God. God wants Job to fear Him. Just interesting to think what God is doing by not revealing satan’s activity I think. Beyond all of it though, you can really just see that God protects us. He doesn’t owe us anything, so He doesn’t have to do anything. That’s just, but what we don’t realize is if He doesn’t do anything, we’re helpless to a spiritual world and a corrupted flesh we cannot defend ourselves against. Even other people are no help because they too did not understand how dependent they are on what God does. We have it backwards. We are not owed a good life. We are dependent on Him for the chance of one. He removes Himself; we suffer and die. But God doesn’t have to do anything for us to lose. That’s the nature of being in a lost state. It’s almost like Job couldn’t see how much God does and was doing until He’s stopped doing it. I think that’s interesting. God not doing vs God doing and how we are a direct reflection of that grace and sovereignty. Now consider what Job suffered just by God not protecting Him, to what it will be when the world suffers at His hand. Makes the book of Revelations more real to me that way. In all of that, there’s wisdom in Job’s awareness that it’s all in the Lord’s hands, but God is being blamed or defended (His character drawn into question or flattered in faithlessness) because of what satan’s doing. Yet God never defends Himself as people naturally do - don’t blame Me, it was him. He just keeps it between Him and Job. We really do have to trust that all things work together for the good of those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. As Job stated in Job 2, “Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?” Trusting God’s character is a very basic struggle underneath all of this I think. I realize God doesn’t have to do anything for us to suffer, die, experience injustice and evil. It’s that we need Him to do something for us not to. And so, I understand how He has nothing to defend Himself for. Just changes my perspective a little, though I still struggle with children being left in the hands of evil. I think where I’m really struggling is that I don’t really understand how helpless we all are maybe. But the innocence of children compared to adults who can choose, refuse, … is where I still can’t understand. This has been a huge obstacle for my faith for years I now see. I think about trusting God with my kids and kids generally and you’re supposed to somehow let it go, but that feels selfish. Like well I know I’m ok, so best of luck to you while the works sets itself up against you is how it feels. It feels selfish just to rest in your own salvation to me when it comes to kids. Anyway, huge issue for my faith for years and find myself getting angry at God for what looks like letting us go on at their expense. What I do see more clearly is that this is just a consequence of us refusing God’s help and not recognizing our dependence on His protection and provision. He’s not doing it, but He allows it. That’s my obstacle on this. Anyway, another insight I saw that helps me on this topic a bit is to see that a fundamental method of satan is to incite us into doubting God’s character by blaming Him for what satan does. Just interesting to consider why God allows satan to act because then you see something pretty eye opening for me- He allows him to act because of us. I think it’s helpful to consider what God taught satan, Job’s friends as well as what Job himself learned. satan gained nothing in all of that. God was better regarded, Job was blessed, and also his friends, and all people involved humbled. But look who tried so hard but was never even mentioned amongst the people. Kind of revealing I think. Sometimes I think there’s going to be a small but mighty group growing up in this generation that are going to be like Paul in how sold out they are to Jesus. I sometimes think they’re going to really understand justice and injustice; truth and lies, and what they stood to lose because of what we are teaching and not teaching. It seems like there has to be based on what we see in the scriptures and know about God. There has to be some kids who come out of this confusion full of faith and conviction I think. I don’t know but always come back to, “Lord, call these kids your own. Knock the parents, teachers, and the government down. I hope we see out of the mouths of babes and infants praise that puts the adults in this nation to shame.” That sounds extreme but when you consider what they’re forcing on our kids, I really don’t think it is. Not when adults and institutions are being a source of spiritual wounds, confusion, and oppression acting to separate them from God. Anyway, working through what’s faith, conviction, anger, or fear. Feedback welcome