Started going through my little study journals I’ve kept for last 8-10 years just to see if there’s things I want to keep and things to throw away. Been pretty good for me to see where I was prideful, foolish, or where I’ve forgotten and have kind of fallen away. Anyway, going to share some of them as I go through. I’ve lately had some anger about what God isn’t doing or allows, specifically as it comes to children. I’m to the point where I let myself kind of think it through instead of running from it though. Here’s my conclusion; well, if it’s going to be this bad, just destroy the nation. I start praying that God calls the kids in this country His, chastises the parents, and tears down the systems because seems like the kids would be better off if the country isn’t functional enough to force what they are calling an education on them. I’m not sure how to rightly evaluate that feeling, but think it’s coming from conviction but maybe anger or fear. Anyway, if I’m honest, I’m struggling with anger about why God allows kids to be so undermined before they can think for themselves. I still have a hard time letting it go (maybe someone can offer advice or correction how to see this differently), but found this from 9/20/17 that helped a little. Job 42: 1-7 Then Job answered the LORD and said: I know that You can do everything, and that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You. You asked, ‘Who is this who hides counsel without knowledge?’ Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know. Listen, please, and let me speak; You said, ‘I will question you, and you shall answer Me.’ “ I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees You. Therefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes.” This was in response to Job 40:2, before God describes what He’s made and His existence beyond us He asks “Shall the one who contends with the Almighty correct Him? He who rebukes God, let him answer it.” At the time I journaled this I realized the only answer anyone can give God is repentance and humility; trust and gratitude. Today I realized that behind all of this business between Job and God and Job and satan; Job never considers that it’s satan doing all this to him. He keeps it between Him and God, and I think satan wants it that way as well, but in the opposite way God does. satan wants Job to blame God. God wants Job to fear Him. Just interesting to think what God is doing by not revealing satan’s activity I think. Beyond all of it though, you can really just see that God protects us. He doesn’t owe us anything, so He doesn’t have to do anything. That’s just, but what we don’t realize is if He doesn’t do anything, we’re helpless to a spiritual world and a corrupted flesh we cannot defend ourselves against. Even other people are no help because they too did not understand how dependent they are on what God does. We have it backwards. We are not owed a good life. We are dependent on Him for the chance of one. He removes Himself; we suffer and die. But God doesn’t have to do anything for us to lose. That’s the nature of being in a lost state. It’s almost like Job couldn’t see how much God does and was doing until He’s stopped doing it. I think that’s interesting. God not doing vs God doing and how we are a direct reflection of that grace and sovereignty. Now consider what Job suffered just by God not protecting Him, to what it will be when the world suffers at His hand. Makes the book of Revelations more real to me that way. In all of that, there’s wisdom in Job’s awareness that it’s all in the Lord’s hands, but God is being blamed or defended (His character drawn into question or flattered in faithlessness) because of what satan’s doing. Yet God never defends Himself as people naturally do - don’t blame Me, it was him. He just keeps it between Him and Job. We really do have to trust that all things work together for the good of those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. As Job stated in Job 2, “Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?” Trusting God’s character is a very basic struggle underneath all of this I think. I realize God doesn’t have to do anything for us to suffer, die, experience injustice and evil. It’s that we need Him to do something for us not to. And so, I understand how He has nothing to defend Himself for. Just changes my perspective a little, though I still struggle with children being left in the hands of evil. I think where I’m really struggling is that I don’t really understand how helpless we all are maybe. But the innocence of children compared to adults who can choose, refuse, … is where I still can’t understand. This has been a huge obstacle for my faith for years I now see. I think about trusting God with my kids and kids generally and you’re supposed to somehow let it go, but that feels selfish. Like well I know I’m ok, so best of luck to you while the works sets itself up against you is how it feels. It feels selfish just to rest in your own salvation to me when it comes to kids. Anyway, huge issue for my faith for years and find myself getting angry at God for what looks like letting us go on at their expense. What I do see more clearly is that this is just a consequence of us refusing God’s help and not recognizing our dependence on His protection and provision. He’s not doing it, but He allows it. That’s my obstacle on this. Anyway, another insight I saw that helps me on this topic a bit is to see that a fundamental method of satan is to incite us into doubting God’s character by blaming Him for what satan does. Just interesting to consider why God allows satan to act because then you see something pretty eye opening for me- He allows him to act because of us. I think it’s helpful to consider what God taught satan, Job’s friends as well as what Job himself learned. satan gained nothing in all of that. God was better regarded, Job was blessed, and also his friends, and all people involved humbled. But look who tried so hard but was never even mentioned amongst the people. Kind of revealing I think. Sometimes I think there’s going to be a small but mighty group growing up in this generation that are going to be like Paul in how sold out they are to Jesus. I sometimes think they’re going to really understand justice and injustice; truth and lies, and what they stood to lose because of what we are teaching and not teaching. It seems like there has to be based on what we see in the scriptures and know about God. There has to be some kids who come out of this confusion full of faith and conviction I think. I don’t know but always come back to, “Lord, call these kids your own. Knock the parents, teachers, and the government down. I hope we see out of the mouths of babes and infants praise that puts the adults in this nation to shame.” That sounds extreme but when you consider what they’re forcing on our kids, I really don’t think it is. Not when adults and institutions are being a source of spiritual wounds, confusion, and oppression acting to separate them from God. Anyway, working through what’s faith, conviction, anger, or fear. Feedback welcome

2 chronicles 6 Isaiah 11 Revelation 21 Just really enlightening to read these together. Funny thing is as I was reading 2 Chronicles and Isaiah 11 I was thinking, " Jesus is the Temple" and kind of fumbling around with this conviction and revelation as I was also thinking how we are told we are the Temples when indwelled with the Holy Spirit. How does that work then? Saw it being dealt with and paralleled in the Temple, land, Genesis, and how God and the people were making places to dwell for each other. Then I was led to Revelation 21 where God shows me He already told me that Jesus is the Temple, but in a reassuring and encouraging, though humbling, way. That's the goodness of God to me. Every time I'm encouraged at the same time I'm humbled, it's God showing me how much I don't understand but how much there is to understand. No end to the goodness of His wisdom. Humbling hope is how He talks to me a lot, and I really love who He is. inspires me to be better to people. Need to be more patient and understanding. Anyway, I ALWAYS fumble around with these truths He's already said so that when I see something He's already said clearly finally, I actually understand it and have some conviction over it. I think of it as taking the scenic route. I have to take the scenic route to really understand anything He akready said plainly, and the scenic route is years long. But maybe other people are slow to really understand like me, so sharing because maybe it will bless you as it did me. Anyway, I don't know how all these passages fits together, but I know there's deep parallels between God giving people the Tabernacle, the people giving God a Temple, the virgin birth of Jesus as God and man, God making us Temples for His Spirit, then Jesus Himself being our ultimate and eternal dwelling place in the end. We're all in covenant in Jesus clearly when you start seeing those parallels clearly. It's real and Nothing has changed, it's just deeper and broader understanding on our part as we witness the physical expression of a spiritual promise that becomes more real to us as God reveals it. But it's already all there. I just can't comprehend it all yet as it unfolds. This whole life is an unfolding covenant. I've heard people saying this or part of this, but kind of became really concrete when I read these passages together. Led me to deeper reverence for Him as the alpha and omega, beginning and end, first and last and our only way to the presence of God. In all if this, I just want to encourage people with what encourages me. I'm going to start thinking about Jesus much more concretely in terms of the place where I meet God. I think maybe I've come to that conclusion before, but don't think I had as much understanding last time. Hopefully I remember better this time. I really think we can see there's a spiritual and physical communion in Jesus that brings life together in the way God created and intended. It's like our little Eden. Worship is how we remember and remind God in prayer of the will He has for us and the promises. It's how we praise Him for His will and unite with Him in it. I really think in that remembering with Him, we are expressing covenant, which brings me to another conviction I had in all of this. Jesus is the covenant. He is the physical picture and spiritual culmination of all the signs of the covenant as well as the means and purpose. He's the covenant. He's the inheritance as we see in the end. We remember with God, our hope and His promises through dependence and submission to Jesus as our hope and way. Jesus is how we agree with God and meet Him in His will in a very concrete way. That's covenant. It's where our wills become His. It's unity. To me, that's how inwm finally really grasping covenant, and it all happens in Jesus. Just saying, We need to rely on Him much more concretely that way is how I feel led. It's very real though it's spiritual I can finally kind of see. There's a place, and I just know it's Him the more I see these types of things I'm discussing clearly in scripture, where distinctions between the spiritual and physical kind of disappear because it's just about being with God and what He gives us and what He just makes. Right back to the idea if covenant. All the physical is just supposed to be spiritual blessing. That's Gods heart I truly believe. We are just meant to be expression of God's heart physically. That's our purpose. That's where we are going back to and that's where we started from. Pure blessing through God's will. We just are because of Who He is. That's why she demands perfection to enter the Kingdom. Jesus is the only Way for us to be what God made us to be because we are meant to be perfect as expressions of God's blessings and nature. Like works being the fruit of faith. Physical blessings and life itself are the fruit of God's spirit. So when we are with Him the way He wills, in worship, blessings and life are the fruit of God's Spirit. Jesus kept that for us when we fell away. It's why He makes us perfect in the end. Because God is, and we were made to express the nature of Him. All our hope, purpose, and life is in God Who made us. That's really amaze to me because that's where I'm able to understand what it means to glorify Him. Anyway, I think there's miracles in Jesus clearly now that I see this. We are a miraculous spiritual testimony in our worship when we get it right because that's really what I think we were made to be. God just naturally gives and provides because that's who He is. That's where we find our purpose and place. Just physical expressions of spiritual blessings because of who God is. We are called to be the fruit of God's perfection as His creation. That's only done through Jesus. Praise God and see how much Jesus is keeping when He makes things, including you new. Miracles starting to make a lot of sense. Don't underestimate what it means to be human. It's meant to be really beautiful, and through Jesus it always is. Even death becomes our victory in submission to Him. That makes sense when you see life is in Him. I think God sees something completely different than we do - life and death, health and illness, totally different in His eyes because the source of life and death is completely dependent on Jesus life in you. Anyway, blessings and hope for God's people and those He sees that we are waiting on to accept Him. Praise Jesus Christ that God still sees hope and goodness in this world because He really is the only way He does.

I am doing one of the read through the Bible in a year plans and am in 1 Chronicles. I'm struggling to connect with chapters 13-15. It feels so bizarre and kind of paganish. Wandering if anyone has some insights. Can't figure out what exactly I'm so uncomfortable with, it somehow feels like God is being controlled or used somehow. I don't know exactly but I feel completely disconnected from what's He's about or doing in this passage. Disturbs me. Maybe someone else has more insight.

I've been lately thinking about what is it God wants us to learn from Him. He tells us to love HIm with all our heart, mind, and soul, and to love our neighbor as ourselves. If you really think about that, it's kind of interesting to consider how much wisdom is in the command to love neighbor as self. A lot of people have a hard time thinking much of themselves. It's like He's saying regard His Creation as He does, and that includes yourself. So poeple need to love themselves on some holy and righteous level to adequately love their neighbor to do that command. I think it's more than just self-sacrifice. I think it's a lot about love in terms of understanding how God loves, and therefore knowing how or when we are loving HIm. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. " 1 Corinthians 13:4-13. I really believe there is a unity believers have to look forward to that we cannot begin to understand. The reason I think I'm focused on this topic is becasue we need to recognize the difference between what God calls us to in terms of self-sacrifice and the satanic counterfiet that is basically just self-loathing or helplessness. We make ourselves nothing for the sake of others so God and His love for what He made can be revealed, and when God is revealed, He glorifies what He has made. That's our testimony in this day and age I relaly believe - eternal hope and goodness through God that we see in each other in truth that glorifies all He's made. We can look at each other in truth, trusting who He made each of us to be and glorify HIm through each other. Need to unify around loving the Lord and each other through His Spirit to battle the counterfeit of unity satan offers people. Feels like we are leaving a void for people who are truly seeking something better than what they can currently find. satan offering a counterfeit of what God actually can give.

I began reading through 2 Kings today, and I was really blessed to see how much chapters 4 and 5 picture the instructions of Paul for husbands, wives, children, and servants in Ephesians 6 and Colossians 3. I personally found it really insightful to see how active and convicted the women were, and how much blessing there was in the actions and requests they made in that faith. There's a lot of focus in the church on women being quiet, but these women knew when and how to speak up. It was kind of inspiring to see them like that. Gave me a much better perspective. "Thank God for Godly women," as I've heard Charles Stanley say.

I was reading in Numbers yesterday about the incident with Korah challenging Moses place followed by the people blaming Moses for Korah's deaths. (Numbers 16). I'm just sharing what helps my understanding and insight into spiritual dynamics I'm dealing with. It struck me that the people were just taking their frustrations with God out on Moses. He was just a target for their problems with God because they had nothing they could blame God for. They had made their own bed so to speak, but just didn't want to submit to their own guilt and challenge God, so they go after Moses. "Moreover, you have not brought us into a land flowing with milk and honey, nor given us inheritance of fields and vineyards. Will you put out the eyes of these men? We will not come up." (Numbers 16:14). Imagine if they are just allowed to continue in their ways, and it offers s glimpse of the spiral of curse and loss we're caught in with evil. Keep reaping the consequences of not listening to God and keep sinking in your hate and pride as all your choices and consequences just become about bringing everyone else down with you instead of humbling your own self to submit to the truth of your own choices and their consequences. How appropriate their punishment when I see where they were leading the people. Keep in mind they made this statement after having refused to take and enter the land of milk and honey God had just given them. They're to blame,them alone, but evil is that hatefully desperate and proud. Here's my point. What we are to satan and those acting in his interest is an easy target for consequences of their own deeds and choices because they have no ground or cause against God. They are afraid of Him but can have a sense of power ir actual power over us to take all they have with God out on us. That's our position spiritually. God has told us over and over in different ways they hate you because they hate Me, but finally it settled in for me what that means while reading this passage. I don't know what else there is to say, but if a Christian is not 100% on the side of God, all we are is an easy target. Lukewarm Christians are just an easy spiritual target and scapegoat for evil to take out all its ire with God. That's why so many will fall away maybe. That's the basic conclusion I came to in all of this. It really is a serious place you put yourself in, in all directions if you call yourself a Christian. It's been too common culturally to say you're a Christian for us to realize it. You're eventually either going to be disciplined by God and accept His Truth and exist in His strength through real faith, or you're going to just be the target of all that hostility and hate that satan cannot take up with God and be overcome. I'm kind of glad the lines are being drawn by evil so clearly in this nation because we need to fight the spiritual battles to be safe, and I think they were kind of being hidden in the culture for a long time just because it's easy to say you're a Christian. we weren't siding sincerely enough with God to realize we were a target of evil. Now guess at least we can see. There is no safe place for us except with God and so have to either fall away or cling in truth to His Word because satan is taking all his feelings toward God out on us. Praise God evil will have to deal directly with God one day. In terms of how satan sees us, I think that's ultimately what it's all about. He hates Him, but can't outdo Him so in all his miserable hostility goes after us. God is wise though to use all that for His purpose because if we are not true to God, we will be overcome. He is ALWAYS glorified because He is always the distinguishing difference between those who overcone and those who don't. We just have to understand our spiritual place as basically a shield or target for evil or a testimony to God's strength until God moves in a more physical way on this earth.

Reading Proverb 11. Just putting it out there because I'm feeling blocked. I feel like there's some overreaching idea I'm missing that's connecting it together on a bigger scale. It's unusual because usually proverbs read separately for me - I don't usually feel an overreaching connection beyond wisdom across the book generally. Today something in Proverb 11 beyond the individual passages hit me to the point I get a headache trying to find it. Maybe it's more clear to one of you. Also posting an article related to things I began noticing in the post from Dec 3, 2021. Just in my heart to encourage people to be bold in the purity and simplicity of the Gospel. Feels like Christians trying to adapt it to the audience is why we have no power in this culture. We are told that we have to come to the Lord as little children, think we need to embrace the "fairytale" nature of our faith boldly because I believe that's exactly what satan is doing with the youthful idealistic demands that seem to lead to anger that is increasing today. I think it's a factor in it anyway. Think that's where satan may be getting a big foothold with the youth. I've noticed that people who God has prepared to hear the Gospel don't want our spin to make it more culturally acceptable. They just want Biblical truth. Its the spin we make that's I think is actually what is pushing them away in my experience. It's amazing how receptive some people really are to strait forward Biblical truth, just praying we stop trying to make it more culturally appropriate as Christians on the whole because I believe the strength of it, especially for the younger generation, may be in that it's not. Hate seeing satan take advantage of the childlike nature that's supposed to be receptive to God's truth in the younger and more idealistic because believers are watering it down or holding back somehow. God help our young people. https://m.theepochtimes.com/the-new-religion-how-marxists-substituted-race-for-economic-class_4322573.html

Watching Dr.Baruch's message on Romans 6 discussing how "thou shall not" stirs up our rebellious nature. Just looking for some feedback related. Lately I've been kind of turning that rebelliousness. Instead of deciding to go with my human nature, I'll kind of "rebel" against it. I'll have moments where I think about how the devil wants me to make this choice or do this action, but I'll stop myself almost in a heart of rebellion similar to what he discusses in the "thou shall not". So far it's working well, but wandering if there's some problem I'm not aware of just in the heart issue. It's kind of satisfying to be disagreeable that way, so just checking if anyone sees a potential issue with this. If not, then maybe it's a good way to kind of manage the fleshly nature while we're being sanctified to have a better heart. I'm wary of any sense of connection with evil because I've been so confused I have felt sorry for the devil. You have to be really aware of his devices while not giving him undue attention. That's kind of what I'm wandering about here. Maybe it's just a step in a process going somewhere better, but please consider if you see potential issues with this approach as I don't want to nurse a heart of rebellion and pride, but sometimes wander if I am. That being said, it has helped motivate me - think maybe I see the problem than is my motivation....should be motivated by God's will more than whatever is motivating me here. Anyway, feedback is welcome - maybe someone can see my train of thought here and further or correct it.....

Along the lines of the last couple weeks, I've been blessed to have a few kind of fundamental spiritual beliefs taught to me in a way I now can understand in a really concretely. I realized how it is faith makes us stronger and is the only way we can please God. The more we believe in Jesus - Who He is, what He can do, and in His perfection - the more we die to self, and the more we can do through Him as He overcomes our nature. I realize these are really basic truths, but I'm just now seeing how dying to self works together with increasing your faith in Him and glorifying Him. Really clear, then, why faith is the goal for believers in this life. Through faith in Jesus, we die to self, and then He becomes greater in us and through us, so we will naturally then obey. just pulling things together lately. Also, struck me yesterday that when we turn to Jesus for forgiveness and trust Him to handle our sin - He is glorified in that He overcomes it. I always tend to focus on our side of the picture - the sinner's needs and testimony of that need, but it's really amazing to think of the testimony we as make about Jesus. Yes, we are sinners, but look at how much Jesus righteousness can. He is right now conquering my sin. Jesus is gracious but He is a strong and fierce King. That's what we say because He defeats our sin and carnal nature. Just think it's amazing to really think about what we are saying about Him. Always kind of cool to see how fair God is as well I think. Talk about equity. Everyone forgiven regardless of the sin history, and every sin destroyed regardless wherher through submission or rebellion. We are no different than the ones He'll destroy. He is simply conquering sin. Think that's somrtging to think about - we are testifying to Him as a conqueror and King willingly now. That's the difference between those saved and those not. God is blameless and I can see here and there how He is going to shut people's mouth. No one will have a testimony beyond Who He is and what He has done in the end. I find that fascinating because evil is always about excuses, confusion, blame..., God is definitely to be feared. Evil has led people to believe they have an excuse and can present some case. He is doing things in a way, they won't have anything to say and no one to blame. Sometimes the most fearsome moments for me before God is when I see His wisdom and way in His gentleness and patience. That's not an indication of weakness. It's an indication of absolute control. We are nothing to God but for the fact He loves us. He is the source of not only our life, but our purpose. Think that's humbling. God has helped me work through a lot the last couple of weeks. There's a purpose to it all and how He allows it to play out over and over. Praise God and thanks be to Jesus for His righteousness - people have no idea Who they are dealing with. Faith and hope because God loves. Just seeing how He fits into how things unfold and our lives a bit better lately I think.

Thinking more about the cycle of sin lately and what's happening in terms of how law and grace kind of respond to it - what is God addressing in all of that. Just kind of struck me to start distinguishing between an inner spiritual submission and an outward more physical submission. That's where Jesus and His work in us becomes really amazing for my mind, and I can really begin to see why He is the only way. We can't make our hearts right. We can choose to do what God says despite what we feel, and there's obviously a place for that, but it's not God's heart to make us do anything. We can see that from the very beginning when He gave us a choice. Here's a spiritual truth new to me - until our hearts yield in love and honor of God, we cannot obey Him regardless what we do. And when our hearts are yielded in love and honor of God we can't disobey Him despite what we don't understand, have the opportunity for, or know. We may be wrong, but because of Who He is and our need, we can stay in His will just by truly trusting and depending on Him. There's a real grace in the last given our starting point is fallen and corrupt. "I desire mercy and not sacrifice." That's not only a grace of God, it's an absolute necessity for us because we are starting deoendent on mercy. That's the only way we can "do" anything for Him if you really think about it. A heart yielded to God in love and honor knows it's need for mercy. It just naturally recognizes God as God. If you know you're need for mercy, you really cannot presume to be able to do anything. It's so fundamental, but the way we have to interact with God in His creation as His creation makes this truth really hard to grasp. I think because we are so far from anything powerful within us that God who is all powerful constantly provides for us, we don't see our need because of how our fleshly hearts perceive His mercy. We think His mercy is our worth or ability. Thought about this when I saw my dog demanding that we open the door to let him in the house. He thinks he is the boss and has power to make the door open because we do it for him - he doesn't realize we have to do it for him because he's just that helpless. He thinks he has power he doesn't have because of the power we use for him in love and mercy. He thinks we're the servant and he's the master. That's one way how our idea of doing and praying becomes idolatrous toward God I think. I think this is what's happening over and over as we cycle through sin, repentance, sin, repentance ..... We tend to resort always back to self, then there's the consequences, then God's mercy and power saves us, then that gives us a false sense of self-security that we can somehow do, and so the cycle is a heart not yielding, loving, honoring God in truth and us not dying to self, truly recognizing our state of need. Here's where I think things start making a whole lot of sense - if we were submitted to God in our hearts, yielding our will to Him in truth and love, we would never have needed the law. I think thats the level of obedience Jesus accomplishes for us. That's makes it easier for me to understand why we are dead to the law, alive in the Spirit; and what that means. We are so completely in line with God's will through Jesus Christ, His will will become ours if we submit to the process of sanctification through His Spirit. There should be no distinction between God's will and ours. We should not need to be commanded to obey - seems extreme, but if you look at scriptural history and prophecy, that's where we're called to be I really think. Spiritual submission is not just obedience, it's dying to self and living for God. It's a real baptism and resurrection in us spiritually, only accomplished through the work of Jesus for us and in us. We cannot make our hearts new except through Him, and how He does it is something I don't think we can understand anymore than how He made the world. It's just submission in trust in terms of what we "do". That's the kind of obedience God is teaching us because His love is really the only thing doing anything as far as we are concerned. We can really do nothing. I really think I'm kind of starting to understand it. I just think it's amazing to see very literally how Jesus breaks the cycle of sin when we yield our spirits to His and believe and accept Him. It's an entirely different kind of obedience than "doing". I'm thinking of it as a spiritual obedience at this point. I really think all of this is about the idea of us having enough understanding about Him to have a willing desire in wholeness in heart and will toward Him. Anyway, hope this makes some sense. I kind of fumble around with the same ideas in a cycle myself. It's really idolatry He's dealing with in us in terms of how law and grace are interacting I think. we are completely reliant on grace. I think that's where we find the wholeness of heart, mind, and doing through Jesus and maybe that's what all this cycle of sin and need and repentance as dealt with by Torah and faith is about. It's when God does through us that we obey, so it is never about anything we can do. That's amazing to me cause doesn't that just reflect our entire state in life - God did and does, so we are and live. It's always the same with Him, absolutely amazing to me how He never changes in His ways for and toward us. Really just seeing the grace of God for us and what that means. He just wants us to see the love in what He wants and does for us, so made a way for us to choose instead of just obey. His grace just in giving us a choice to choose Him. What a beautiful and wonderful heart in our God. We need to see His love for us as more about Him and who He is, than us. We need to love and want Him more than the blessings He gives. So, we are called to be wiling to give up everything including our own lives, for His sake. Makes so much sense to me now, and I think that dynamic of choosing God or just wanting God's blessings is a primary issue in all of this cycle of sin, self, repentance, blessing, cursing, life, death,.... just makes sense that we have to die to self to really "see" and love God - to really understand why He should be chosen by us. We can't "see" Him and His heart for us until we love the way Jesus teaches us to through dying to self. God has never done anything for His own sake, so how much Jesus has to teach us to be able to understand the heart of God! And I really believe that's what all of this is about - God revealing His heart toward man. There's just so much selfishness and confusion within us that prevents us from seeing it that Jesus helps us just sort through our fallen nature through sanctification and salvation. I think it's amazing how He does things. All things are possible for God. if He can deal with the inner heart and motives of man, why do we question what else he can do? Really puts things in perspective for me.