G-d bless all of you reading this and I hope everyone is enjoying celebrating Messiah in whatever way the world around you allows you to do this time of year. All the struggles and difficulties that go along with being a Messianic believer this time of year have brought a lot out of this week's portion for me. I need a lot more time to consider it. Joseph is a good example of how to manage well as his identity and ways were inconsistent with the world around him, yet he did well and blessed people. Meanwhile, he didn't fight it, at least not in the way I tend to feel the need to. I think we can see in this portion that it's important to consider how much G-d has to reveal to you about your own self before He reveals more to you about Himself. Patience and faith while not compromising on your convictions is a really hard balance to achieve, but that's what our friends and families need us to do I really believe because we all need time. Joseph just did what He was called to do, patiently bearing with G-d and he couldn't help but bless for the sake of the world around him. He didn't focus on what was wrong with the world around him, and it was the world who in time, asked for his guidance and help. I personally think that is hard because the world around us feels like such a threat. I want it to know what I think and know now. I want HIm to move now, but how foolish as perhaps it's me who is not ready for it. That's been in my heart this season as I was spending time with my family for Christmas and as I am reading this portion. Joseph submitted to G-d in faith in submitting to surroundings that were beyond his ability to manage. I think we're all in that situation on some level, in over our head, but it was through this submission that G-d managed those surroundings and made Himself known. I have fought against Christmas for the last several years. I didn't make any change and no one seems better off for my fight. However, this year I have been challenged a bit to consider what I was actually fighting. I think that's why it went no where. It was a useless fight. As we are seeing more how the adversary is fighting against us, I think it gives us a chance to consider how and what to fight. Joseph was in Egypt, and he didn't fight against his pagan surroundings externally, yet He kept his own heart with G-d. What a fight that really is. He waited and trusted G-d enough to let G-d have time to work, and how wise because ultimately what else could he do? He was one person surrounded by pagan Egypt. It just gives me perspective on my own fight and life circumstances. A group from another state tried to outlaw my home state from having a nativity scene at the court house last year. This year people came out unified in force and there were more nativity scenes around than anyone remembered from years before. It wasn't like people told each other, "put out your nativity scenes". It was a natural outpouring of their conviction and devotion to G-d. It just gave me a different perspective this year on the people around me and what G-d has to work with regarding all of us. It's our hearts. It's never been what we do, but somehow in my pursuit of Torah, I can get things way wrong that way. I end up focusing on what other people are doing, which snowballs into me losing my own place. I lose a sense of humility, gratitude, and a lot other things that are the point of Torah. I think it's because the world around me feels threatening. G-d is so merciful and patient and He sees hearts as well as the needs of those who have them so He sees hope when I can't. All any of us are doing is the best we can, but with G-d in time, that can be a lot more than just deciding to not have a Christmas tree. It's like what we see with Paul. Where there is conviction for the sake of G-d, we have hope. Just reminds me not to give up on the people around me based on what I see. I don't see what G-d sees, and I don't see what He is doing. In all that, I won't see hope. We don't know how He is going to reveal truth and purpose, but He is. It just gave me hope and perspective to see people acting on their conviction for the sake of Messiah and truth even though it wasn't the most G-dly means to do so. It then became no more about the nativity scene but about them and G-d and that's what we are really going for here. He will act, He will teach, and we can trust Him. I still believe it's not right by the letter of the law, but they are revealing a heart devoted to Him. I just thank G-d that He sees that heart because it's hope. Meanwhile, I had missed it. Now imagine this, hasastan is the one who revealed it so how much more could we believers do if we waited and acted like Joseph. I hadn't seen much hope in my hometown till this year, and that reveals a lot about me. G-d is patient and perfect in truth. If we forget hope, somehow I believe we have forgotten G-d. I think that's what I was doing as I was focusing more on problems than people. I do not have a good feel for how much Joseph was doing and teaching in the time he interacted with his brothers, but I do think they needed to learn a bit about themselves before he showed them who he was. I think G-d works with us very patiently in preparing us for the truth, and that's something I was reminded that I need to remember as G-d is working in the life of those around me. He has each individual in mind at the same time He has the whole body in mind. With that in my own mind, I think really all we can do is hold on to what He has taught us individually, remain faithful to what we know about Him, and therefore hopeful in what He is teaching everyone else. We need each other, and we need patience for the sake of each other. I love the thought of that, and that G-d is lifting up and lowering down for the good of each and all of us accordingly. He lowered me down a bit, and it's good because I see how in that, He has lifted others up in my own heart. It's hard to feel bad for yourself when He shows you how to be happy over other people. I think you can see in Joseph and his brothers the process of growing and learning is in humbling and lifting up, and we all need time as He is doing that for each of us. I don't understand all of what's happening in this portion, but I do see that. It's hard to be patient waiting for and on each other, but I think it's easier if we remember Who G-d is because then you can't help but to hope. He is greater than the family Christmas tree, and more importantly in His eyes I believe, people are greater than the Christmas tree. I believe He sees hearts devoted to Him as we struggle to sift through and wade through all the confusion. That's reason to hope and wait in faith because not once has G-d or will G-d ever compromise the truth. In all the confusion, famine, and hidden identity in this week's portion people were blessed. That says so much about how we should regard each other when you really think about it. Hope is always found in a person biblically from what I'm seeing. Joseph always seems at peace with whatever place he is in, and he doesn't resist the world in the same way I have tended to feel the need to. So I think G-d is revealing a bit to me about how perhaps I've misapplied my convictions and have missed purpose and point in getting caught up in things instead of focusing on Him and people. I think there is more than one way to make an idol of something. Perhaps being too focused on the tree and the trappings to see hope in G-d and in those around us is one way Messianic believers can make an idol this time of year as well. At least I wonder if I have tended to do that. I'm not sure. I always fumble around to find a balance, but I do feel like this portion is leading me to reconsider what G-d really wants me to do with what He's shown me. I'm not sure exactly how to keep everything He's shown me while in the world around me, but I think this portion will be really helpful in teaching me. It's about how we fight, and it's not our first instinct. I think focusing more on the problems in the world around me, even if based on His Torah, rather than Him is an issue I need to work out. It's always going to be easy to find fault with a fallen world, but being patient and trusting Him to work in people's lives in the midst of a fallen world is hard. That's different than tolerating evil. That's what we're all called to do because it's what we all need. It's hard to find that line for me, but the adversary wants a useless go-nowhere fight so I have to find it. I know we're not here to fight for or against Christmas trees and nativity scenes, but it's interesting how both Christians and Messianic believers have done that in opposing ways. It's also interesting that this year it was my Christian friends and family who fought the fight that was ultimately not about the nativity scene. It really did become about G-d in their hearts and minds. They want G-d, and they don't want the world taking HIm away from them. I think as the adversary attacks us, the hope is in how G-d will reveal hearts and priorities because ultimately all of what we do is somehow wrong I really think.. He will do away with what needs to be done away with like He always does, but I think we need to watch ourselves when we're the ones trying to do away with it. G-d doesn't make a big deal of it. He just destroys it. We can't do that. That's why He has to, but we can choose what we focus on. It seems like much of what we focus on may just take an opposite but equally idolatrous form. It's so reassuring that the hope in this portion was in a person, and that person was in unG-dly pagan Egypt. There's blessing and hope in whatever place you are just because of the G-d you're with, and that's pretty amazing to really think about because it means you don't have to fight against your surroundings. You can trust G-d Who Himself already got someone through them, you. You really can just do what He says and know He knows what He's doing waiting for opportunities He arranges for you. G-d reminds me a lot as I think these portions through not to underestimate each other and to praise Him that we are a congregation representing every nation on earth. There is so much hope in that, and how much that says about Him and what He can help us all find our way through. And I can't even explain it let alone accomplish it, so it just gives me perspective on how I've approached things and how impacted I am when I feel threatened by the world around me.

I have more questions and incomplete thoughts than anything to comment on after studying this week. I do think I gained more context for understanding what happened to Joseph. I think maybe there is more to the phrase "son of His old age" that goes beyond the obvious understanding. I'm basing this mainly on Sarah's words about Isaac being the "son of his old age" in Genesis 21. It just sticks out to me as it shows up again regarding Joseph. I think it has something to do with being the one in the will of G-d. I don't know, but Abraham also had Ishmael and Jacob also had Benjamin when that phrase was used. I may be wrong. It just sticks out to me, and there's a question in my mind that perhaps it means more than I previously understood. Perhaps it's somehow related to G-d's will being carried on. Regardless, I am more confident that there's is definitely context for Joseph being favored by Jacob in the incident with Dinah in chapter 34 and in Judah's actions in chapter 38 that go even beyond the brothers direct behavior toward Joseph. The Torah Class study helped me understand a lot more about the family politics taking place, especially regarding Reuben and Judah. So several new perspectives provided more context than I've had up to this point. That, the phrase "son of his old age", and what the scripture otherwise reveals about Joseph make me wonder if Joseph represented the covenantal hope to Jacob at the time as his other older sons were not acting righteously. I get a little hazy with the distinctions and all they mean and suggest here. Joseph saves his people and represents Messiah on one level, but Judah is the line of promise Messiah is born through and conquering King is in that line. I don't understand how all that works, but I'm just wondering if Jacob thought it would be Joseph generally as it seems like Judah and all the older brothers were way off base at this time. I don't know.. I guess he wouldn't know how all of it would play out in terms of his descendants and the promise, but I do wonder if perhaps Joseph represented a hope that Jacob just wasn't seeing in his other sons at that time. Also, if you read the dream section carefully (chapter 37), the only thing Joseph did was report the dreams G-d gave him. Can we blame him for speaking truth and perhaps seeking guidance from his older brothers? I think it's wrong to accuse Joseph simply because he shared the will and truth G-d showed him with his brothers. If we do, how do we make the parallel comparison we know is there with Yeshua? Yeshua was wrongly accused, wrongly hated, and wrongfully crucified for speaking the truth and living the calling He had from G-d because we weren't. It just scares me a bit that maybe the way many believers characterize and relate to Joseph is how the world characterized and related to Yeshua. Meanwhile, it was his own brothers who interpreted Joseph's dreams. Joseph didn't tell them what the dreams meant. He told them the dreams, and they knew what they meant. That should implicate them not Joseph as they were knowingly not refusing Joseph's will, but G-d's in that they understood them clearly. I don't know it just seems strange that Joseph gets blamed for having prophetic dreams and speaking the truth G-d showed him. It seems that with that logic, everyone of us would be blamed for simply doing what we're called to do as we are called to speak the truth and do G-d's will. If we remember Yeshua and what happened to him, perhaps we can understand what Joseph experienced more clearly as well. The brothers were not living in G-d's will, they were not seeking it, they chose not to accept it, and Joseph suffered for it. I'm more comfortable with that understanding as it is only further illustrated in the rest of the scripture as G-d shows us in scripture and even says that He was with Joseph. Another interesting aspect of the readings is Joseph garments, not just his tunic but the garments he left with Potiphar's wife. I know garments are representative of deeds as I learned from Dr. Korman's lessons. I also learned in his lessons that the tunic is representative of royalty. I'm not sure if or how the tunic and the garment might relate to each other. What caught my attention specifically is that in both the experience with his brothers and in the experience with Potiphar's wife, they took some type of garment from Joseph. I'm thinking it may connect with Yeshua's garments at the crucifixion that they took and cast lots over. Joseph was stripped of his personal identity, reputation, place, innocence. and on some level his righteous deeds and even his life. Perhaps the loss of Joseph's garments represents that in both these instances and somehow ties them together. I don't know, but I think it is another thread that parallels and foreshadows Yeshua in the reference to HIs garments being divided at his crucifixion. I'm also curious what the seal, cord, and staff of Judah represented but haven't looked much into it yet. I also think there's interesting parallels between the incident with Judah and Tamar and the one with Joseph and Potiphar's wife. The comparison reveals a lot I think, but it's difficult for me to describe and pull together. One more question that came up regards Genesis 37:15-17. There's some reason this meeting with this man who gave Joseph the directions to his brother is here in scripture, but I don't understand what it is. I never paid much attention to it before, but now it sticks out in my mind. Like so many other things, I just don't know why.

It's interesting to compare how G-d handled His wrath in the situation of Sodom and Gomorrah to how the sons of Jacob handled their anger in the case of Dinah. "The anger of man does not produce the righteousness of G-d." (James 1:20) One really touching thing I noticed, but am unsure what to make of because it's too much for me, is seeing Jacob's wrestling with G-d in light of Moses asking to see G-d's face. They're linked in a way that's beyond me but has really impacted me. Please share if you know more or notice more. "....and a man wrestled with him until the breaking of day. Now when He saw that He did not prevail against him, He touched the socket of his hip; and the socket of Jacob's hip was out of joint as He wrestled with Him. And He said, "Let me go, for the day breaks." But he said, "I will not let You go unless You bless me!" So He said to him, "What is your name?" he said, "Jacob." And He said, "Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel; for you have struggled with G-d and with men, and have prevailed." Then Jacob asked, saying, "Tell me Your name, I pray." and He said, Why is it that you ask about My name?" And He blessed him there. So Jacob called the name of the place Peniel; "For I have seen G-d face to face, and my life is preserved." (Genesis 32:24-30) Then Moses said to the L-RD, "See You say to me, Bring up these people. But You have not let me know whom You will send with me. Yet You have said, "I know you by name, and you have also found grace in My sight." Now therefore, I pray, if I have found grace in Your sight, show me now Your way, that I may know You and that I may find grace in Your sight and consider that this nation Is Your people." And He said, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." Then he said to Him, "If Your Presence does not go with us, do not bring us up from here.....And he said please show me Your glory." Then He said, " I will make all My goodness pass before you and I will proclaim the Name of the L-RD before you. I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion," But He said, "You cannot see My face; for no man shall see Me, and live." And the L-RD said, "Here is a place by Me, and you shall stand on the rock. So it shall be, while My glory passes by, that I will put you in the cleft of the rock, and will cover you with My hand while I pass by. Then I will take away My hand, and you shall see My back; but My face shall not be seen." …..Now the L-RD descended in the cloud and stood with him there, and proclaimed the name of the L-RD. And the L-RD passed before him and proclaimed, "The L-RD, the L-RD G-d, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children's children to the third and fourth generation." (Exodus 33:12-15, 18-23; 34:5-7) This really overwhelms me spiritually when I see these two together. I can't explain what is happening, but I know these are linked in some big beyond me way that just glorifies G-d and points to Yeshua and His place with Israel. The way face and name are used in each passage, and how it's like G-d is answering the question each one brought up in His answer to the other one. There is something beautiful in how He is revealing His Name and face in these passages alternatively, and something beautiful regarding Israel's purpose and place as it relates as well. I also think all the seeming contradiction regarding seeing His face and dying, but not, will go away if I can understand what's really happening. I know in my heart I just have a deep desire to see Israel do well when I read it. I think part of what I see is that G-d gave His name when Israel could understand it, and that just points to their reunion with Yeshua in my heart. They learned HIs Name when they could look back on their history, and see Him in His Name. I think something similarly illuminating and glorifying will occur when they see Yeshua. The level of intimacy in Him knowing our name and us knowing HIs Name is another difficult to describe spiritual realization I finally see. At least I see how name and character have been linked in Hebrew thought a bit more as well I think. I don't know. I think I have more spiritual understanding than I used to after seeing these passages together, but I'm not really caught up with my mental understanding. There is also a really beautiful connection in the name Israel and what Yeshua has done - struggling with both G-d and men and prevailing. That's Israel, and in a similar and yet also opposite way because of Who He Is, that's Yeshua. I can't wait till it all comes together, and when they see Him they are going to love and glorify Him more than I can imagine. Somehow I just understand Him as theirs more. A light to lighten the Gentiles and the glory of His people Israel. (Luke 2:32) All of it just makes more and deeper sense than it used to now. That's the gist of what I feel from these passages. I don't know. I can't explain it but I know there's a lot here relating to Israel doing what they're meant to do. "I will not let You go until You bless me." (Genesis 32:26)… for I say to you, you shall see me no more until you say 'Blessed is He Who comes in the Name of the L-rd' (Mathew 23:39)... "For you have struggled with G-d and with men, and you have prevailed." (Genesis 32:28) Praise G-d for His people and let them do well.

This is another one I've struggled with for a long time. I did pick up more upon this reading that Leah was the one meant to be Jacob's wife. I'm having a hard time keeping up with the Torah Class studies, but I skipped ahead to this chapter to see what was taught. Honestly, this line of thinking scared me because Rachael has contributed so much and is blessed. However, the Torah Class teaching kind of confirmed where I was being led so I'm leaning more towards that thinking. The interesting thing in my mind then becomes that Jacob saw Rachael at the well as Isaac had seen Rebekah. That seems to suggest it would be Rachael G-d had chosen at first glance. However, when you compare how Abraham's servant handled the situation to how Jacob did, there does seem to be a difference suggesting perhaps Leah as the one G-d chose for Jacob. There was no prayer or restraint shown in the case of Jacob and Rachael, not even in gratitude to G-d when he saw her. I think G-d may confirm that Leah is the one chosen for Jacob as she is buried with Jacob along with Isaac, Rebekah Abraham and with Sarah as well. Nevertheless, any further insight is more than appreciated because I really do struggle with this particular aspect of this week's portion. G-d overcomes all our choices and blesses in a way that overcomes likewise is pretty much as far as I can reconcile everything. There were a couple of things I did note a little more confidently. First, we can see how jealousy impacts families and how sin is passed down in generations through the illustration of this sinful trait. We can see it beginning in this family with Hagar and Sarai. Further, we can see it traced back clearly to Cain and Abel. In all circumstances, we can see something we otherwise wouldn't - how far reaching the consequences as they are beyond our comprehension. We cannot estimate the impact our sin and sinful choices have on this world. So generation after generation we can see jealousy impacting a family and individual choices. We can't know how much better the alternative G-d had in mind, but we do know what Joseph will suffer in the coming generation due to jealousy. His brothers make the same choice as Cain; to kill him, the very one who would save them. In all this, it struck me that Israel, who G-d uses to show all of mankind our nature and choices, has a long history of rejecting G-d's chosen. Then, in the same way all of mankind has rejected G-d's chosen. It's a thread we can see going back to the origins of mankind, the origin of the nation of Israel, to now in how the world reacts to Israel and how Israel reacts to Yeshua. If it were up to Abraham, it would have been Ishmael. If it were up to Isaac, it would have been Esau. If it were up to Jacob, Leah who begot Judah would have had no part in G-d's covenant. Likewise, if it were up to Gentile people Israel would be cut off, and if it were up to Jewish people, Yeshua would be. Basically, if it had been up to any one of us, no one would be saved. So just praise G-d He has never left it up to us, but acts to overcome us on our own behalf. I guess that's pretty much the whole idea of the covenant. But it's a much more earthly, but nonetheless necessary, level of understanding that I'm now seeing. t's not just that we cannot overcome our own sin, it's that we literally have no clue how to live and choose what is not sin. This simply reinforces the need for Torah in my mind that much more as we do need a very practical and down to earth way to live and follow His instructions because we very naturally and on a very earthly level just don't. Another thing that struck me, which I'm going to think more on is the similarities between the Tower of Babel and Jacob's ladder. I'm not sure, but I think this is an example of G-d taking man's evil plans and turning them on their head to defeat evil. I think there is something in the comparison between the Tower of Babel and Jacob's ladder to further our understanding of why G-d chose to humble himself and become man. My thoughts kind of collide in all of this, but I think the way G-d chooses to save us is somehow further understood in seeing this comparison. At the Tower of Babel, man attempted to exalt ourselves, but at Jacob's ladder we see G-d reaching out to us, especially when we understand the ladder as Yeshua.. There is a path that leads us to G-d, but that path is on G-d's terms. I think the goals that evil has, in a very shrewd way on G-d's part, have acted to determine those terms. Rather than humankind elevating itself to reach G-d, G-d humbles Himself to exist with us,, thus humbling us. Those of us who believe in Yeshua already saw this clearly, but I think we can see it alluded to in Jacob's ladder somehow answering the issues evil brought up in the Tower of Babel as well. G-d's way takes all the sinful appeal out of us elevating ourselves. It's something hasatan cannot understand because it's something only love can accomplish, and it's perfect in its wisdom and simplicity. We don't have to work to get to G-d as He is the One Who made a way and comes to us. I think if we see the ladder in terms of how it relates to the tower, it somehow answers even more questions in that evil has a way of choosing its own poison so to speak. We can glimpse it through scripture, but I don't think we can truly grasp it until that one day we see it fully because it's beyond our imagination how much this thread has woven together and played out in human history. I think I see that maybe G-d has done things in a way that caused hasatan himself to author the Gospel of our salvation. Because of sin, we have Yeshua, but we have Yeshua. Because we sought to be like G-d, G-d became like us, but G-d is with us. Because we elevated ourselves, G-d humbled Himself to lift us up..... that sort of irony is what I'm seeing. In all of it I think it's about how hasatan doesn't know how love factors into this because he can't understand love. As cheesy as that sounds, I think it's a fundamental issue G-d is addressing to put hasatan down. We love G-d because He first loved us, but hasatan doesn't know love. Love is self-sacrificing and humbling. It wipes out all power evil has because evil is all about self, and one day I really think we will see how much this has played out on all levels and aspects of human existence. It brings to mind the book of Esther. The outcome of Haman's own plan was the means of his own demise because he missed the factor of love. He didn't understand that the King loved Esther, who loved her people that he had written off. He didn't understand that Mordechai loved G-d and that G-d loved Mordechai and heard him to the point that G-d had everything already in place for their victory before Haman's threat was ever even on the scene. Each one acted for the sake of someone else, and evil will never understand that. Can you imagine how much we who love G-d are really doing when we live as He instructs us just by lifting each other up. So I think G-d is doing more than we can imagine to shut up the mouth of evil on our behalf in how He has chosen to save us and how He instructs us to live. It just reminds me to never question how or why He is doing or has done things the way He has. Why we suffer and why He lets evil seem to have so much say. G-d help us overcome because we can't see and we can't understand, but He does know and see what we can't and I trust Him. I want Him to shut evil's mouth, and for there to be a complete and utter end to evil's cause. We can't see all He is doing, but we can see He is doing that not only in scripture, but just in how He has changed us each individually. And that's why we don't underestimate each other. It just makes me happy to think of how G-d teaches us and unites us. What an amazing G-d we have.

Still trying to wrap my mind around everything going on in this portion. Rebekah seeming to take things in her own hands. Isaac seeming to disregard G-d's ways and will, Jacob being advised to lie and Esau being deceived. I have heard several interpretations, but still know I'm missing something in my own heart and mind to really come to terms with all of it. One thing that did strike me is I felt like G-d almost anticipated the common thoughts and concerns people have about how He did things with Isaac and Ishmael. It almost seems like now He is showing us clearly that there is more to this than bloodlines to reassure us that He does look on the heart. Yet, for many, this revelation does the opposite of reassure because now we want a more physically based rationale for how He does things. It's just so interesting how difficult we can be to work with. These passages reveal so much of humanity's confusion in how we relate to G-d just in how we relate to Him through them that it's hard for me to understand how much it really does show us. Regardless, G-d told Rebekah what would be and it happened whether it happened the way He would have had it happen or not. The promise goes to the right person, praise be to G-d, and this time it is clearly based on spiritual principles as blood line is kept a constant. Bottom line in my mind, a heart that is seeking G-d's will and the prayer and faith of those before us has impacted each and everyone of us in ways we can't even begin to imagine. And it's not fair as so little is really about us, other than the desire for G-d. But when we see it played out clearly, we get concerned with what's fair. But if we are fair than we would know that the exact purpose of prayer and faith is to help us rise beyond what is fair. No one is praying for their kids and loved ones because they're perfect. We want them to accomplish the will of G-d in their lives despite their mistakes or weaknesses. We rely on the very nature of G-d that it seems, here, many are so quick to attack. Those who love and want G-d will be blessed, guess now we get the chance to really consider that. Yeshua dying on my behalf that I might live isn't fair, but because I love and want G-d, I'll be blessed. Let's not start holding people accountable for being anything more than people and G-d for being anything other than Who He is here, if we really want something fair. He does look on the heart, and He does work past our weaknesses and mistakes. It really is that simple. Love Him and seek His ways and you will be blessed. The only difference to be made between anyone regarding who gets blessed and who gets cursed is who is with and for G-d. There's no discrepancy with the way He does things to be had here. With the pure you will show Yourself pure. And with the devious You will show Yourself shrewd. Proverbs 18:26

"Like the cold of snow in time of harvest is a faithful messenger to those who send him, for he refreshes the soul of his masters." Proverbs 25:13 This verse kept going through my mind as I was reading about Abraham's servant that sought a wife for Isaac. I can't help but feel that besides serving G-d and Abraham, he was also answering Sarah's prayers for her son and future. I believe there is significance in Genesis 24:67 that Rebekah was brought into Sarah's tent. I used to kind of feel like Sarah was being forgotten and on some level replaced, but now I see it as more that Sarah was a good mother and she still then blessed both her son and daughter-in-law even though she was no longer on earth. I think Rebekah was an answer to Sarah's prayers and G-d has ways of helping us make a difference for the next generation. I think Sarah got to do that for her son here. The servant of Abraham also has a whole new place in my heart and mind as an example of humility and wisdom in service, and I praise G-d that he took his job so seriously and acted so devotedly. I always kind of paused at one part of the text thinking slightly negatively of him prior to this week; the place where he sees Rebekah immediately upon praying. Then she goes on to do exactly what he prayed she would do (Genesis 24:12-20). Yet in verse 24:21, we find that despite all this seemingly obvious happenings directly answering his prayers, he was still "wondering at her" and "remained silent so as to know whether the L-RD had made his journey prosperous." This had always struck me as doubtful and faithless on his part, but now I see how wise he was. It was not until he knew she was from the family Abraham specified that he was convinced this encounter was of G-d. It reminds me the adversary is expert at using our own hopes and prayers in light of our own fear and faithlessness to mislead and destroy them. We have to have enough faith in G-d to expect perfect answers and perfection in HIs ways. So now I see this pause of his as the exact opposite as I used to, he had real and complete faith in wisdom. We have to have enough wisdom to know that evil is a constant enemy, especially when we are seeking G-d's will, and enough faith to wait for G-d's answer. So much deception occurs when evil takes advantage or our own fear and imaginations. It's easy to worry you're somehow going to miss an opportunity or fail G-d somehow if you don't act. I have a real struggle with that myself, but acting in those moments is not faith. It's anxiety, and I am just now really coming to kind of understand that. I think I start wondering if I missed something, didn't understand something, or did something wrong. It seems to be a theme we can see in several portions regarding mistakes people of faith have made. So all of the previous readings, my own struggles, and now seeing the actions of Abraham's servant a little more clearly has shown me a little more insight into my own weaknesses. I'm not sure we really know how far off we really are sometimes when we accept what is almost right as an answer to our prayers or G-d's plan for us. It's just interesting to see how doubting yourself negatively plays out in terms of faith in G-d. He said what He said and it's pretty proud at the base of it to think that anything I can do can change that. Even if it's because I know my own weakness, it's still about myself. It's just a warped way of putting faith in self and forgetting my place. It' all very convoluted how this dynamic plays out. But regardless how it plays out, It's all still just self and faithlessness one way or another if it's not what G-d says and instructs.

when Adonai said, "Should I keep secret from Abraham what I am about to do, seeing that Abraham will most certainly become a great and mighty nation and in him all the nations of the earth will be blessed? For I have made myself known to him so that he will command his sons and his household after him to keep the way of Adonai by doing righteousness and justice, so that Adonai may bring upon Abraham what He has spoken about him". Genesis 18:17-19 Then Abraham goes on to plead with G-d to spare the city for the sake of the righteous, which based on Genesis 19:29 resulted in Lot being spared as it states that "G-d remembered Abraham, and sent Lot out of the midst of the upheaval, when He demolished the cities where Lot dwelt." I had heard Dr. Korman discuss that Abraham should have formed a minyan on behalf of the city to intercede for it. I hadn't really considered it too much until I studied the passage more this week because it seemed so odd compared to how I had always considered it. Based on what G-d said in Genesis 18:18 I'm now leaning more toward that understanding. G-d did have plans for Abraham to bless the nations of the earth. I now see the conversation he had with G-d in Genesis 18 as a fulfillment of that. That passage itself seems so much more natural now that I think it's basically a really good example of how Abraham was understanding that promise and calling and trying to live it. Now that I see that passage like that, the idea of him forming a minyan to try and save the city makes a lot more sense and kind of flows again almost naturally from it. Considering the consequences after Lot fled the city and the birth of the nations of Moab and Ammon, it makes even more sense. Another striking understanding for me was just a great sense of gratitude for Sarah and her protecting Isaac by driving Hagar and Ishmael away. It's interesting how G-d has used the phrase "listen to her voice" or something along those lines beginning with Eve and then with Sarah when she told Avraham to have a child with Hagar and now here. It's just another interesting observation that I've noticed but am not sure exactly where to go with it except that I had a great sense of gratitude for Sarah this past week once I noticed it.

Yea! Thanks for joining Mary. I'm having a hard time pulling all my thoughts together this week especially, so seeing another member was needed encouragement. G-d's word can be overwhelming to me sometimes, and it can be intimidating a bit for me that way. I really need to talk and share to work my way through it. There's interesting parallels and juxtapositions between Abraham,Sarah, and Lot's journey and the Exodus, But I can't see how it all fits together well enough to really verbalize it. I think it presents some context for understanding why G-d interacted with Pharaoh and the people as He did at the time of the Exodus if I can just wrap my mind around it. I'll just note the easier to see parallels to maybe start things. Pharaoh sent Abraham and Sarai out in a similar style for similar reasons as the people during the Exodus but under opposing circumstances. One He asked, the other he just plagued them. I know a similar happening takes place with Isaac and Rebekah, but the most interesting aspect I think is that the one where He actually asked pharaoh was the one that He got the most push back. Also, there was strife during both Abraham and Moses journeys. Yet, one was because of too much provision and the other because of what was perceived as too little of provision. It's almost like G-d is showing us that on some level there's nothing He can do with us except let us live and learn the hard way- through experience. I'm not sure exactly, but I really feel led to some level of understanding in this direction. I'm just not able to really see it all because I think there's a lot on several different levels happening in this regard. One more concrete theme that strikes me is to contrast the way people are interacting with G-d. It just gives context for me that helps me agree with how G-d did and does things and to see there is justice in HIs ways. For example, Abraham followed G-d because of what G-d would do for other people, and that's not what we see with Hagar. Even her title for G-d, which I know is true and good when it comes to G-d and HIs nature, but it reveals a limitation of her nature I think as even that title she gave G-d in gratitude is about her. "The G-d Who sees her" I think we can see this selfish characteristic play out even more so when we consider what G-d had just told her would become of her son. "He shall be a wild donkey of a man, his hand against everyone, and everyone's hand against him..." I don't want to judge her according to me because I don't know what I would do in her situation except that I know Yeshua. I know that through the Spirit of Yeshua and what He has done for me, I would have prayed that G-d give my child an alternative. I would have been more concerned with my child after hearing that than with myself. I also know Abraham's heart was in an opposite state of her heart as all he was doing was for the sake of the good of his descendants. He shows himself true in his motivations in spite of the material blessings G-d gave him in his refusal to accept material goods from the king of Sodom in chapter 14. Also for the first time after reading this I had an understanding of how we as believers are similar to Abraham in terms of our own hearts, thanks be to Yeshua. We choose to believe in a place of promise that we won't see in this life. If we continue in obedience to Yeshua upon salvation, we will choose self-sacrifice for the sake of others as well. We will also choose the wellbeing of those we may not even see over our own In that way, I finally came to understand the moment of accepting Yeshua as Savior as each of our own little individual "Lech Lecha". So the moment of salvation is really the beginning of a journey, whereas I always used to think of the journey more as what leads up to it. I've probably heard the moment of salvation described in this way by other people, ( I realized hours after typing this that at least one place would be the book of Hebrews. That's what I mean by having difficulty pulling things together. :) ), but I never really took hold of it until studying it out this week. It's just another perspective in my mind from which we can encourage and rejoice over each other. It's also interesting to note how G-d referred to Hagar, "Hagar, Sarai's maid" (Gen 16:8). It reminded me how for the sake of salvation G-d sees us in relation to someone else in relation to HIm. Obviously for us, it's Yeshua He sees us in relation with and that's how He knows us. Perhaps if Hagar would have heard Him ad how He saw her, she would have responded differently. She could have chosen to be one who blessed Abraham and Sarai and therefore blessed herself and her son. Obviously He knew that wasn't what she would choose, but it's just interesting to consider all of this I think. It's also interesting to consider how this dynamic applies to those who choose salvation and those who don't. if we really hear what He says, I think we would understand how He sees us. Somehow He can say exactly what we need to hear, but we won't hear it. I think we can see this happening with Hagar.

A couple things came to mind as I read this week's Torah portion. One idea needs to be more developed. Maybe someone reading this can help further it. First, we see that it was one man who was seen righteous through whom the covenant was enacted that G-d maintained and through this one man life was preserved. G-d told all those "saved", to go to him (Noah) for salvation and provision. It's an ongoing theme, a few specific places include Genesis 6:18, 20-21; 7:1-2 13-16; 8:15-22. So here we see a continuation I think of a pattern with Messianic overtones related to the covenantal power of one man and humanities' dependence on HIm that I think began with Adam. Had Adam not ate the fruit, I think he could have prevented the fall of creation because it wasn't until after he ate that their eyes were opened. Therefore, we can see that it is not out of character for G-d to point to one and only one man as the means of salvation or redemption. This is a theme you can further see if you consider Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, and how G-d seems to act generally. One man as the means through whom we come into covenant with G-d and are saved is scripturally founded long before Yeshua. We're not asking people to make such a huge or unfounded leap as I once thought in seeing Yeshua as the way the truth and the life and only means of salvation if they are familiar with the Hebrew Scriptures. Another ongoing theme that I'm noticing but not yet able to completely grasp is the concept of ground. People were made of the ground and given a Spirit. Eden itself is defined as a place of physical perfection and spiritual salvation scripturally as we saw in last week's portion. It's a physical place where G-d chose provide for us and to dwell with us. Moving on to this week's portion, the physical ground is again highlighted. Specifically the dry ground signified the completion of a type of physical and spiritual salvation. They were spiritually (and likely physically) saved by being placed in a physical place represented by dry ground. I think this theme of physical ground pointing to spiritual and physical salvation through covenant is alluded to as well in the parting of the Red Sea and the Jordan as they walked across on "dry ground". Here's where I'm going with this. The "land", physical land, has played a part in the story of spiritual salvation before Israel was ever promised the land. G-d has been using land as a type of salvation from the beginning that is necessary to us as physical beings for spiritual salvation. It also represents a larger level that is spiritual salvation. It's layers, which makes sense given G-d created us as both physical and spiritual. There is some way of helping people connect the dots and see the significance of the physical land for Israel in here. I've heard "G-d doesn't care about land". First it's just wrong. He created it and provides through it, but second it is indeed more than just land. It's a necessary level in a larger process and picture of salvation based on the very beings He made us to be. I believe it's a thread we can see going back to Adam and Eve and Noah that just continues to Abraham, and the patriarchs and will be accomplished in Yeshua. Here there is some witness to be made about why G-d became man perhaps. (???) We were made of the earth and given a physical place to go to for spiritual life from the beginning. In the end the spiritual and physical come together through salvation, but the significance of the physical land that we who support the Nation of Israel as G-d defines see is based on a thread G-d put in place from the beginning. In the end we have new bodies, Yeshua rose from the dead physically- G-d NEVER abandoned or will abandon the physical nature He gave us and the land of Israel is simply another example of this.

I'm reading the weekly Torah portions more in depth this year and also watching Tom Bradford's Torah class as I go through them. One thing that struck me was considering the first sin. We know at some point G-D's commandment to not eat of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil was added on to before the fall as Eve said to the serpent that not only are they not to eat of it, but they are also not touch it in Genesis 3:3. This caused me to consider if perhaps the first actual sin that began the spiral downward into willful disobedience was idolatry as perhaps this indicates a greater fear or respect for the tree than G-D's word. That also seems very consistent with my understanding based on scripture generally as well. Idolatry seems to be the beginning of sin generally. I also think it's interesting to note how this little lie impacted them very naturally based on what we know about being human. G-d said don't eat of the tree or you will die. (Genesus 2:17) I think that little lie that seems so logical contributed to a false sense of confidence as after Eve touched it, she did not die. Then, the dynamic may have continued as it wasn't till Adam ate of it that creation fell. Perhaps Adam seeing she seemed ok contributed to a false sense of confidence to disobey on his part. It depicts so accurately how we interact with sin in almost a flirty way and get pulled in with lies and false confidence. That lie was so logical it seems almost good in our thinking, but I think we can get a clear picture of the danger here.