My extended family and I had a run-in with covid in July, so quarantine after quarantine, worry upon...
My extended family and I had a run-in with covid in July, so quarantine after quarantine, worry upon worry, and quite a bit of unpredictable upheaval over the last month means I have a lot of catching up to do. :) First thought upon beginning Numbers 30 is praise G-d for the wisdom of our Savior who instructs us in Mathew 5:34 to "not swear at all neither by heaven, for it is G-d's throne; nor by earth, for it is HIs footstool; nor by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. Nor shall you swear by your head, because you cannot make one hair white or black. But let your 'Yes be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No,'. For whatever is more than these is from the evil one." We see based on Numbers 30 that Yeshua saves us not just from sin, but from sinning. His salvation is on all levels, more levels than I can understand I know, but He protects us from the sin He has saved us from. He has not saved us and walked away, grace be to you and that's that. He has saved us and gives us instructions because, bless our G-d, He wants us to do and be well. He doesn't want us to suffer in sin or not make the most out of any thing He has done or given us. He wants to help us avoid sin and its consequences. The moment of salvation and that complete forgiveness is really just the beginning of pure hope and promise, even in this life and how really glad I am to finally see His commandments for what they are. They are G-d loving us. Praise the L-rd, and I don't know why it took so much for me to see that. This also fell into another realization I had just today regarding attitudes toward hasatan. I don't know my exact train of thought, but I realized why it is so wise that the archangel Michael simply told hasatan in Jude 1, "the L-rd rebukes you." It goes with what it really means to guard your thoughts and recognize G-d's standing in His creation. This is His creation. We have to watch our emotions when confronting spiritual issues especially because what we say can offend G-d. He made all things, and all things are as they are according to His sovereignty and will. hasatan doesn't care who you hate or why as long as you are sinning in pride - somehow diminishing G-d's place or what He has made. he doesn't care as long as you are acting from self, he wins as long as you sin and somehow insult or diminish the place of G-d. But somehow beyond that I was thinking how hasatan will never know what it means to be worshipped truly because love is required. No one in any sort of allegiance to him can love, so it's just self still, not him and therefore not worship. Then I realized somehow in a way we can only understand spiritually, G-d does love him. Of all that I can know about it, it's G-d who still loves him. Isn't that sad and amazing at the same time. Our G-d is that good. he is His creaton, and G-d sees and saw something we just can't. He made him with hope and purpose and future....G-d loves and hopes and creates. It's just so amazing to me that G-d is that beyond us - really, truly, loves. That's where I find my place to draw the right kind of line I think. Just don't hurt G-d with your words and thought, just don't put anyone or anything down because it really is hurtful to G-d is how all of this came out for me. He doesn't rejoice in anything hurtful or demeaning. He doesn't delight in a loss of any kind or anyone. Even when you're dealing with spiritual battles and evil and all that is hopeless and wicked, just don't go beyond what your place is and our place is remembering Who G-d is. It is never to demean, shame, or disparage His creation. "The L-rd rebukes you" is really a line I want to find when it comes to discernment of where I stand in terms of life, and how I can deal with the boundaries I need against evil. I kind of think anything more than that (the L-rd rebuke you......anything that comes from your own place or perspective regarding rebuke or hate) is from the evil one. If G-d hates something we agree, but that's different than human emotion. Just kind of a line I want to keep in mind. It's interesting how the vows as it relates to women answers the weakness and confusion we saw brought up in the fall through Eve. This commandment is very consistent with the fact that we do not see the fall of humanity until after Adam eats of the fruit. Based on that it seems that he could have prevented the fall by overruling his wife's choice and actions. A G-dly man can accomplish so much as leaders and overrulers so praying that the men of G-d step up in this country. There is a reason hasatan is trying to feminize the men in this country and shut them up in fear of being politically incorrect. he is totally setting us all up to fall and that is one major way I think he is doing it. Just as a side note - I realized in prayer that hasatan is literally trying to tear us down so that he can play our savior.....the concept of anti-christ is very literal that way. he is going to tear down, to build up in a way that he can play savior, but one that is nothing about freedom and choice but about dependence and injustice so he can control.....just some context that helped me see things for what they are. Without G-d, you will have no help. I hadn't saw it so literally as I did recently, anti-christ is not a figure of speech. it is very literal and we can anticipate things a bit more I think if we see it that way. The commandment G-d gave Moses regarding taking vengeance on the Midianites is just more context for caution in my mind regarding emotions. Emotions keeps coming up for me, and seeing that Moses did not "take vengeance" out of emotion or threat or anything like that gives me some perspective. Moses took vengeance because G-d told him to. I really feel called to kind or warn people to be wary of emotions being a target hasatan toys and distracts with in our culture. I really think hasatan is kind of winning on that front when it comes to believers generally. I don't think our idea of zeal is necessarily G-d's definition of it. I don't think we are to act out of not only fear but any human emotion. We are to act out of obedience. I think the Holy Spirit can strengthen us in our obedience to have something that emotions try and counterfeit, but I just think we have to be very cautious of emotions as a counterfeit that way.
Is it conviction or emotion may be a relevant question because I wonder if emotion is often just hasatan drawing us into danger, futility, and damaging our testimony. In this way, obedience is really our safe place I truly believe, and the more we are being challenged by evil the more important this becomes because evil doesn't care who or what is destroyed and hurt as long as it hurts G-d and our testimony. "Be angry, and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your wrath." Ephesians 4:26 making a lot of sense right now. We have to always act with self-control in submission to the Spirit, and that's hard when you feel threatened, afraid or provoked. And that's the big word for me - hasatan is provoking believers in this country I believe, and we have to be wary of the battles we are not fighting that we should be because he draws us into some emotional scrimmage that is ultimately just a diversion from the fight we should be fighting. I think this is happening a lot more than we may realize sometimes. he is tricky and conniving, and I really feel called to seriously consider the way he is using and exploiting emotions to undermine us in this country. It strikes me to consider what it is G-d commands as an offering and what the people choose to give Him. He doesn't need anything, but commands perfect sacrifices and our first fruits. Then, people chose to give Him gold in chapter 31 because of the miraculous success of their battle. All the give only means as much as it means to us when you really think about it. G-d doesn't need it. He values it because He made it, but in terms of our sacrifice - it really seems to be valued based on what it means to us somehow.. I think it's a way G-d discourages idolatry somehow. Somehow worshipping Him is about not falling into idolatry for us. It's not about Him, as much as us that way because it is us who need. I think I almost kind of saw a concept of order being achieved in the sacrificial, but then I lost it. Anyway, I don't know just curious to see something very physical and practical in the sacrificial system that is for our sakes, and it's regarding order and staying away from idolatry, which is almost like our natural bend somehow.
One note I want to remember is that it's kind of a red flag in my mind that Reuben and Gad asked for what they wanted instead of just waiting somehow. I don't know if I'm misunderstanding or perhaps just projecting, but after reading chapter 32, I'm just glad Yeshua is the one who decides what's best and right for me. I'm glad I can just trust His perfect knowledge and will for me. I'm glad we have a Savior who can overrule us and fight against our self-will that way. If what I want is not what's best for me, I know He will fight for what's best for me on my own behalf. I don't know how all of this played out for Reuben and Gad and if it's relevant to this thought, but I don't want to be the one advising G-d what's best for me so it kind of sticks out to me that way. Now that we have accepted salvation and are active participants in sanctification, we can apply the logic and instructions regarding the conquest of Canaan G-d gave the children of Israel to our own selves. "Then you shall drive out all the inhabitants of the land from before you, destroy all their engraved stones, destroy all their molded images, and demolish all their high plaices, you shall dispossess the inhabitants of the land and dwell in it, for I have given you the land to possess." Numbers 33:52-53 For me this means, put to death your sense of humor, the place of prominence you often give to your emotions and their role, your mistakes, your accomplishments, your own idea of self - all those things that you thought made you who you are.....It's dying to self that way and for me it's like destroying our internal high places and stone engravings. I have found myself reckoning with putting to death my sense of individuality on this note...self popped up big here for me and it's a level of self I haven't really dealt with because I can't see what's beyond that part of me. Putting to death those things that kind of make up my own identity or sense of self is odd because I don't really know what's left then. What's left to live your life with and even give to G-d if you really follow out His will to die to self - we can't comprehend it till we live it. It's almost like you're just going to be an empty shell of a human if you see it from your own faithless perspective, and that's where I can see the evil in my ways because we know the freedom G-d gives us to choose goes against this robotic sense I get from that perspective. I don't know, hard to explain, but I find myself struggling with trusting G-d sometimes when I really start thinking about what it means to put self to death because I can't comprehend that kind of way and wisdom - something beyond our idea of identity. We have a beautiful Savior and I get sad thinking about how I feel when I confront that sense of self-preservation when it comes to my personal identity....and how foolish it really is, it really means I don't know Him very well I think or that I don't trust that He knows me so well, or both ....I don't know. All I really know is He is beautiful and holy and perfect, and apparently I really fundamentally have no idea what that means if I'm struggling with this.. So we have to accept that G-d made us something beyond what we can know about ourselves and Yeshua saved that for and in us. His salvation is so far-reaching, we can't understand how much He has saved. Somehow in becoming like Yeshua, we are just becoming more who G-d created us to be. He knows us better than we know ourselves, and I kind of think perhaps we don't know our true selves at all. Why else does He tell us to put our old selves to death to have more life?....One broad observation based on the last couple chapters of Numbers that just gives me more reason to trust is to see the great knowledge and detail G-d really does go into over us. He knows our journey better than us. He can recount every second, and He is so detailed that you can kind of see that He really is the only one who can make anyone individual and it really is beautiful what He has made. No one else would give that much care and concern to who you are and how you are made. There is a greater you to come, and It's somehow more authentic and real that just being separate and different from everyone else. All we really seem to do is copy each other anyway when you really think about it. No one is "original" apart from G-d in a way we have yet to comprehend, so I do see something beyond what we have come up with on our own regarding identity and what it means to be an individual. I have to fight against the instinct of self-preservation almost on a spiritual level sometimes I think, which is beyond foolish and blind considering my total inability to preserve my own spirit....how foolish. I see the level of self and how foolish it is not to die to self when I see this. We are in over our heads. We can't do this on our own, and we can't overcome what we don't even realize is an obstacle, we can't accomplish what we are made for, so G-d really does know what He's doing when He made it just about trusting Him. We have no idea the goodness and pure existence we are headed for when His will is done. We just have to do what He says and believe Him. He couldn't have made it easier for us, so the fact it's still so hard really does say a lot about us and how very far away we are from who He made us to be.
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